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Sierra: before every single mogul competition, I would pee my pants a little bit in the start gate because I just like had so much anxiety.

I think it was like fully a stress thing because before my runs I would be like I am going to the lodge and emptying my bladder, but then I'd get in the Stargate and be like so stressed out.

Paddy: would be like, we have a tank of nervousness, bink! You know what I did not think that we were gonna talk

Sierra: Peeing my pants.

Paddy: peeing your pants.

Sierra: Agreed. Agreed.

MUSIC IN THE CLEAR FOR A BEAT

PADDY INTRO VO:

I am fascinated by the world of psychology. In fact, before I ever stepped foot on campus I declared psych as my major in college. But I jetisoned my plans to become a sports psychologist after I BOMBED my first test. Crappy grades aside, the science still captivates me. Like, did you know Francine Shapiro discovered EMDR therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, during a [00:01:00] walk in a park Yeah, she was moving her eyes back and forth, thinking about something tough, and realized she felt better. Blamo! Now, countless people have been helped because of a flippin stroll in 1987.

Or how about this, somewhere around 335 BCE, Catharsis Theory first popped up in Aristotle's "Poetics" and has contiinually been refined through the ages. What was true for the ancient Greeks is true for us today: expressing and experiencing strong emotions can lead to psychological relief and emotional processing. Think of it as letting the air out of a balloon before it pops. This can be accomplished in all sorts of ways -- and the history here gets kinda whacky but we won't go into that -- you can do things like watch a play, have a conversation, or my favorite, do a physical creative activity. Ya know, something like...skiing.

PAUSE PAUSE

Now, I don't think [00:02:00] Aristotle had a goggle tan but I know that I have used skiing to work through some really hard emotions and experiences. And I am not alone in that. Since she was 2 years old, my friend, professional skier Sierra Schlag, has leaned on skiing for everything, from simple laughter to dealing with unexpected loss, and most recently, defining what felt like a fractured identity as a Japanese American woman, the subject of her new film Nesei.

PAUSE

Catharsis comes in many forms, the impact of which we can only truly feel if we stop, look where we've come from and see the line we wove to navigate from there to here.

PAUSE PAUSE PUAUSE

Paddy: Before we get into anything, it's time for burnt toast. Burnt toast. What's your last humbling and or hilarious moment outside?

Sierra: Okay, So I was just at, , [00:03:00] Blister Summit in Crested Butte and I don't know if you've skied Crested Butte, but it is quite a rocky place, especially in a very low snow year. And I am coming back from ACL surgery, so I'm trying to keep it kind of mellow and avoid rocks. but I was skiing with my friend who is from Crested Butte, and he was like, I want to take you to the most beautiful, picturesque place ever, and I was like, okay, perfect.

And then I find myself , belaying off a tree, and , on rocks. And I was like, this is not what my surgeon envisioned me for , 10 months after ACL surgery. So that was a good

Paddy: That is the most, , Lokedog Crested Butte thing to do ever. Like it's super chill. Okay, like, do you have a harness with you?

Sierra: Yeah, literally.

Paddy: Ok, let's get into it.

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

what is your first skiing memory?

Sierra: Oh, that's a good question, , I used to hate skiing, so,

Paddy: dun dun.

Sierra: if I'm being totally honest, my first skiing memory is being dropped [00:04:00] off, , at ski school and throwing a tantrum because I had separation anxiety.

So

Paddy: I bet nobody watching you throw a tantrum was like, That's a pro skier.

Sierra: I, I mean, for sure, I think everybody is surprised.

So we moved to park city when I was nine and we joined the like freestyle team there. We like actually got to go ski for fun, And it had recently snowed. So the snow was soft and I was on my first pair of twin tips. They were heads and they had like snakes on them. but I remember just not being on like tiny little, girly Rossignol skis. Like that, those were my skis for a while.

And I was like, wow, I have skis that actually can like go all mountain.

And I remember skiing down McConkey bowl. With all of my other teammates and

our team was pretty big. There was like 30 kids and like bunch of coaches just like free skiing down this bowl. And I was like, wow, this is fun. And the pressure's off of like being in a lesson or like competing.

And we're just like having fun skiing down a run.

Wow, skiing is actually fun and doesn't need to cause a [00:05:00] tantrum,

Paddy: do you have a favorite turn not like one that you've done in your lifetime, but an actual turn shape,

Sierra: right now it is definitely a left footer carve where you're like hand drags. That's really nice. But on a powder day I love like just leaning into the turn and then like your whole left side of your body is like in the snow. I think that is

Paddy: when you feel the snow like bubble up your jacket, your first year, like legs and your, your quads and it boils up. And if you're lucky enough and it goes poof, poof, poof,

Sierra: any time any powder hits my face my tongue has to be out. So there's like there's a lot of photos from just shooting up at Aspen where my tongue is just like Fully out.

Paddy: Yeah, because maybe people listening don't know this, but, , powder snow tastes like chocolate and cinnamon.

Sierra: So true. Yeah, it's an ice cream sundae.

Paddy: It is delicious. My favorite turn is the [00:06:00] right footed slarve, where you lead with your right foot downhill, you let your tails wash out to the side, and then you snap them back underneath you. When I was 29 years old, I moved from Colorado to Minnesota for health reasons, let's call them. And I skied at a little ski hill called Afton Alps as much as I possibly could is 200 feet of sweet, sweet Midwest glory. There's a run there called The Ditch, and there are like one or two spots where you can get a really great right footed slarve.

And when I was living there, I used to bang as many as I could every single time I skied. I tried to figure out the best setup, the best release point. I just really dorked out on the minutia of the turn. And I don't think I knew it at the time, but the pursuit of that goal and the specificity of it really mirrored what I was trying to accomplish in my personal life.

And I'm wondering if you've had a similar moment with your own skiing.

Sierra: I am a mogul skier. That's like how I grew [00:07:00] up. And so learning how to actually carve and drag my hip has been very similar. I learned how to drag my hip like two years ago and I was like, that is a good feeling to chase yeah, skiing has kind of been this constant in my life while I figure out , every other thing in my life as well. it's been very intertwined with many other like struggles and understanding myself and all that good internalized existential things.

Pause

When I released my first film, Bloom, which, , explored my relationship with grief about losing my dad and how I get to connect with him through skiing, and I just recently released another film called Nisei, , that explores my biracial identity through the lens of skiing and how skiing is kind of this constant as I, better understand the Japanese and the American sides of my identity,

Paddy: PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

In order to ask you the next question, I need to tell you a quick story about myself.

I was a pool rat. Growing up, like cannonballs all morning, swim team in the [00:08:00] afternoon, swimming until close every night in the summer, like my parents would have to like drag me out of the pool. I smelled like chlorine throughout the summer months and well into the fall because I was just like in love with it, you know?

And one of the things I was in love with at the pool was I just idolized all the lifeguards. I was literally in love. with all of the women. I wanted to be like all of the dudes. They all were so cool and they all were so athletic and they all were so beautiful and I wanted to be just like them. And then when I was around, I don't know, maybe 10, 11 years old.

, it was the beginning of the summer and I was sitting with the lifeguards at the little lifeguard office. And one of them said to me, dang Paddy, you've been eating over the winter, huh? And he was pointing at my stomach. And I looked down and I saw that I had belly rolls. And up to that point I had never noticed them.

Ever. But at that moment was the first time I became keenly aware of my body. And, maybe more significantly, my [00:09:00] body in public. And I hated it. I like immediately became nervous and queasy. And I hated that feeling. And from that point on I began to see my body not as my own, but as how others would interpret it.

And I'm wondering if you have a similar experience of an almost queasy awareness, not of your body, but of your ethnicity.

Sierra: Yeah, like middle school and high school when we moved to Utah, that was like when I became aware, because I was raised by a single Japanese mom, the Japanese influences were pretty heavy, and then I do like, remember learning about World War II in history class and like everybody stretching their eyes and calling me a Jap. And that was like a really tough thing , cause you're like, I'm just a kid. I don't know how to respond to that.

I don't know how to act. .

Paddy: How did you respond? How did you act?

Sierra: I think I just like laughed along and I think like a lot of my friends in high school would make Asian jokes all the time like all the time and you just like have to laugh along [00:10:00] there just weren't many other like Asian Americans in Park City where I grew up and so it was hard to even know that like what they were doing was wrong or like me being the butt of the joke was wrong or bad I wanted to be accepted and, more white, so they wouldn't make these jokes about me. But it's hard, because I was culturally, like, raised different, and, like, even as much as my mom wanted to, like, assimilate, and, like, she's been in the States since, , the 80s, she, like, doesn't have an accent, very much could just be seen as Asian American, but She was very strict growing up and that made it really hard, especially when I was in high school And I just wanted to go like hang out with my friends And I had an early curfew or like I wouldn't be able to do things if I didn't get like other Homework or extracurriculars done and that I just remember just like having a really negative connotation with my Japanese identity because I just associated it with, , not fitting in and, , not being accepted by my peers.

Paddy: Put me in that [00:11:00] moment,

Sierra: picture this, I'm in 8th grade and I have braces and I don't know how to speak to boys and I'm just the most awkward version of Sierra you could probably imagine. , and we sit down in our school cafeteria and my mom would make this pickled cucumber salad and like soba noodles and miso soup.

Which is arguably a delicious lunch. And so, the pickled cucumber salad is just like the most potent smelling thing, I would say. And, I just remember sitting down to lunch and like opening it up and my friend was just like, That smells disgusting. Like, why would you bring that?

Paddy: Did you feel embarrassed?

Sierra: Yeah, I felt really embarrassed, but I don't think I like, actually said anything. I just was like, more ashamed of like, my lunch, even though, looking back, that was a good lunch.

Paddy: Did you change your behavior in any way?

Sierra: Yeah, I did pretty much bring a turkey sandwich for lunch, moving forward, which was unfortunate.

Paddy: You've talked a bit over the years about how [00:12:00] you felt a lot of pressure to be perfect and to succeed as a Japanese American woman. And you said that competitive skiing as a teenager dialed up that pressure.

And then, free skiing as an adult has helped free you from it. Can you explain what specifically caused that transformation? How free skiing helped relieve this, , Pressure to be perfect and to succeed as a Japanese American woman.

Sierra: Yeah, mogul skiing is tough on the knees, on the mental, , I don't like competitions. I have like way too much anxiety and this is maybe TMI, but like every, before every single mogul competition, I would pee my pants a little bit in the start gate because I just like had so much anxiety.

Paddy: my god,

Sierra: Just a little bit.

Yeah, I just also like why am I doing this is if it's like causing my body this much stress like I

Paddy: you excited for, , the big comp this Saturday? Not really, cause like, I'm sick of [00:13:00] washing my base layers. Yeah,

Sierra: oh I'm I just gonna go like hit a bunch of moguls like that's supposed to help my bladder I don't know

I think It was like fully a stress thing because before my runs I would be like I am going to the lodge and emptying my bladder, but then I'd get in the Stargate and be like so stressed out.

Paddy: would be like, we have a tank of nervousness, bink! You know what I did not think that we were gonna talk

Sierra: Peeing my pants.

Paddy: peeing your pants.

Sierra: Agreed. Agreed.

So that was one of the reasons I stopped mogul skiing.

And then I would start, , skipping ski team to just go free ski with my friends and I was like, this is way more fun. I love this. And so I think my junior year of high school, I was like, mom, I can't do this anymore. , I'm just going to go free ski with my friends. , and that like really changed my perspective on skiing of like, I don't have to have all this pressure on me. Mogul skiing was like kind of. A job for me. Like I was taking classes over the summer. So I'd get out of school early so I could go [00:14:00] train. And every single weekend of the winter, I was either training or at a competition and I just like, wouldn't be able to hang out with my friends. And that was annoying to me as a high schooler.

And so yeah, I quit and then took a break from competing at all. And then in college. Helped, , build the free ride team and, that was really fun too because I was like skiing with other women for the first time. And I was like, this is the environment I can get behind.

This is actually fun. And I feel comfortable progressing without having this like insane amount of pressure on me. I feel like it just took the pressure off of yeah. Skiing in general and it made it so much more enjoyable and now that skiing is my job There is a little bit of pressure on there as well But it's not like I'm peeing my pants at the top of the line every time, you know

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

the type of skiing that I love is just like really long days in the backcountry and you like go ski a couloir and you feel [00:15:00] really accomplished after skiing one of those lines. skiing a mogul run, it's like, yeah, whatever.

Did the twister spread like whatever? I felt less accomplished and it's a judged sport. So you're like constantly feeling judged. And so when I like go into the back country and do these lines, this is because I want to do it. I feel accomplished in that way.

And then it gives me confidence to Go do scarier stuff. , but also show up as like me as a human. Gaining understanding of yourself and like who you are as a human being and caring a lot less about what other people think.

Paddy: Do you think the confidence that was getting built because of free skiing helped build confidence in other areas of your life?

Sierra: yeah, for sure. I think it just like made me, more confident in who I am. That I'm capable of doing things regardless of my identity. Because I was like put in this prescribed box for so long, I like felt like I needed to show up one way, but now I can just like go ski line and have fun and still be a good person, it turns out.

MUSIC [00:16:00] FADE UP

Paddy: How has that awareness, , continue to show up for you in your life?

Sierra: I think it really shaped my high school years and up through college. And I think after I graduated from college is when I started like really being more curious about my Japanese American identity. I was traveling to Japan for work and just like kind of being enveloped in it. And I was like, wow, this is actually really cool.

And when I go to Japan, I make a lot more sense. I just kind of started leaning into it a little bit more. And I also think in 2020 we were just having all of these conversations about race and I finally felt comfortable talking to my friends about like how they made me feel and what I've been feeling all of these years.

And I was also discovering all of these things that I've just kind of like repressed for the past 20 or so years. But it also was hard because, I'm very white passing and I was like, do I have a space to like, speak up about these things when , I do look white, even though I'm half Japanese.[00:17:00]

And that also turned into a whole spiral of like, I don't know if I'm Japanese enough or American enough to like talk about anything. and that's when I. Started writing the narration to my film Nisei because I was just like I don't know how to feel about this I'm super confused and I don't know like how to be the best biracial person ever

Paddy: do you think that that has influenced your visits to Japan?

Sierra: For sure. So I went back this season and it was like the first time where I was like Oh my gosh, I like don't need to like show up as this perfect Japanese person and I don't need to like abide by all of the Japanese like cultural norms. I can like I am still American and I can show up like that.

I think when I go and visit my grandma who still lives there, she's 97 That definitely, , does take the wind out of my sails a little bit, because when I go skiing I'm like, This is amazing! I love being Japanese! And then I, like, I don't know how to speak Japanese, [00:18:00] so I, like, can't really speak to my grandma.

And then it makes me feel very inadequate, that it's just tough all around that's like a hard dynamic to work through it is still like a joyous experience But it is kind of a reality check of like we're still not like fully Japanese They're like I can't speak with her and like wasn't raised Speaking Japanese, so I just like can't do this with you But when I do go skiing it's like such a great feeling and I feel like I know Japan and My like biracial identity

MUSIC IN THE CLEAR

PADDY VO: Coming up after the break, Sierra Schlag explains the trip to Japan and the one ski turn that changed the way she sees herself.

MIDROLL MIDROLL MIDROLL MIDROOL MIDROLL MIDROLL

Paddy: you were visiting your grandma in Kobe in 2019 and you start to write what would become the narration for Nisei, this new film of yours. Can you tell me about that trip and visiting your grandmother?

What felt different about it?

Sierra: When I [00:19:00] go visit my grandma, it's definitely like a reality check of like uuhhh. You're not actually fully Japanese. And so I was just like alone in Kobe, touristing around, like going to tempos and stuff. And typically like I go to Japan with my mom, who's fluent in Japanese, and people are like, Oh, you're with a Japanese person you're in.

And I didn't have that. And that was a harsh reality of like, I actually have no idea what I'm doing here. And I can't speak Japanese, can barely order my food. Talking to my grandma is tough and broken. , and so this is before I started like really going to therapy and I would, , write poems to process my emotions.

And I wrote an iteration of the narration for Nisei. And it basically was just, , about how I feel like I have like one foot in one foot out of each of these cultures that I'm tied to and I like don't really know how to be connected and I am called all of these words like Nisei, which is the Japanese word [00:20:00] for children born of Japanese immigrant parents in North America. But I'm never called like Japanese and when I go home, it's like the same thing where my peers are like making all these Asian jokes to me. And like, I've never really seen as one of, I don't want to say equals, but like accepted as like a white person to them.

Paddy: Some of the lines that really stand out to me and like hit like a thousand pound hammer are I'm Japanese, but don't speak it. I'm Japanese, but don't look at how do I claim myself as a person of color when I present so white for so long, I resented the Japanese part of me and yearn to be fully white.

To me, these lines stand out because they're gut wrenching. And they also illustrate this struggle with self worth and almost a sense of being like, identity less due to having too many identities. Like your heart and your personhood are unmoored, which is a debilitating feeling, , a confusing [00:21:00] and, chaotic, , feeling

how have you made sense of these feelings? Have you overcome them?

Sierra: I don't know if I've overcome them. I think, like, because my world is so public facing, Whenever I like, try and talk about like, the microaggressions or the experiences I have on Instagram, there's always someone in my DMs saying, Well, imagine if you were like, a black person. Imagine , being fully Asian.

And so like,

Paddy: the, like, trauma Olympics?

Sierra: Yeah. Yeah.

Paddy: you're only a bronze, there's some gold and silver ahead of you. So like, why are you complaining?

Sierra: Exactly. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, but I'm feeling these feelings and I know that what I'm feeling is real, but you're like discrediting what I am feeling. And so I've always been hyper aware of that, of like being white passing and just like Can I even say I'm a person of color?

I like say it now, but I still feel like wildly uncomfortable by it because I'm like I don't have like as melanated skin as most people when I go to Japan, I know I'm like, [00:22:00] I am also American, and I am not gonna show up as this Japanese person that everyone's gonna accept, it is gonna be like an ongoing struggle because It's all dependent on other people, , viewing me in my own identity, and there's always going to be people saying that I'm not melanated enough, or not Japanese enough, but I think I've learned to compartmentalize it a little bit, of like, this is your interpretation, and it's , not how I'm feeling, and just , trust my own gut, and , my emotions, versus , all the outside noise of what other people are thinking.

Paddy: it's Not an on and off switch. It's kind of like a dial, like a volume dial is how I like to picture it. And cranking it to 10 and you're like, I am super confident in who I am and nobody can tell me nothing. And then of course, the next day, or like an hour later, moment, minute later, it can be like, you're like, Um, back down to one, when you're feeling like that, what's the thing that helps you most? Is it skiing?

Sierra: Think it's a combination of things. I feel like I am in one [00:23:00] of those moments right now journaling is really helpful for me. Cause I just get to like word vomit on a paper. And like spending time outside and. Solo skiing is really helpful for me because I just get to think and process and be more connected and present my friend Waverly has become a really great resource because she is half Chinese and we definitely have a lot of similar experiences, as I grow within the ski industry and put out films like this, I'm getting more connected with other BIPOC skiers and snowboarders and filmmakers, which expands the community and the conversation a lot more.

Processing, journaling, going skiing, talking to friends. Is all how it helps.

Paddy: Was there an experience during that trip when you were out in the mountains and you had an aha moment when you realized like, Oh, skiing here makes these trips even more meaningful

Sierra: yeah, I felt like I had that exact moment the exact turn where I was like everything is making sense

we are in Hakuba, and I was [00:24:00] there for work, so I used to work for this company that organized custom ski trips to Japan, and it was my first year out there, , and it just like, didn't stop snowing, we were staying ski in ski out on Tsugeke, which is one of the mountains in Hakuba, and we were skiing in the trees in the backcountry. If you've ever skied in the trees in Japan, it's like perfectly spaced out birch trees, and the powder is just like blower, and it is like the most magical place on the planet. And it's like not hard skiing, you're just like kind of hippie turning and pow hit in your face and it is just like chef's kiss, it is the ideal skiing.

We did one run and I just had one of the deepest pow turns of my life and I was like, wow, this is sick. Like this is like everything I could have imagined of like, just like such a organized. Japanese skiing experience and everything is like so quirkily Japanese and all the infrastructure is like from the 80s and like you have to put a little cover on your skis to like go into the gondola because they just like care [00:25:00] about their things and it just like kind of all clicked for me and I was like wow I need to come to Japan every year

Paddy: Did it feel like you were bringing this part of you, this identity, skier, and like finally marrying it with this identity, Japanese?

Sierra: Totally.

I've been going to Japan with my mom since I was born and it was always like we're going on Basically, like hit every tourist spot in Japan with my mom to understand our culture a little bit better, which was great But I think it was always Just like out of reach for me of like, oh, this is like Japan But this is like not what I experienced in my everyday life at home , there was like such a disconnect there. Like there are little things that I'm like, okay, this makes a lot more sense within me of like, why my mom needs everything to be clean all the time or why she was like, so strict about so many things.

That I resented for a really long time and then it like all came together When I get to go skiing and you're [00:26:00] like, wow, skiing is my life, my identity and like something I love so much. And then just being able to like compile it on

PAUSE PAUSE

It's such a like added perk that Japan has like the best powder skiing on the planet So that's pretty nice for it to help me understand my identity

Paddy: In that moment, did you feel like, was it like a sense of relief? Was it a sense of empowerment like oh like all this stuff kind of makes sense now it was all kind of in its own bucket by itself separated and now it's kind of all together

Sierra: Yeah , I feel like it was just like a weight lifted off my shoulder of like, Oh, like I finally, everything makes sense. After years of being like, I hate being Japanese, but then going to Japan and being like, wait, I'm not seen as Japanese. And so I feel like that was like, brought it together.

Me finally, like being accepting of. My like biracial identity and like the culture that I resented for so long because at the end of the day it's like a really beautiful culture and Although it feels [00:27:00] really it felt really out of context when I was growing up in Utah And I just was like, I just want to be white.

But now I'm like Being Japanese is sick. , It's really sick. Like, we have way better food than America. The skiing is top notch. And onsen culture, also amazing.

It's just, it's a really cool culture to be a part of, but I, like, didn't realize that until I,

Paddy: had a sick right footer in the trees.

Sierra: exactly,

Paddy: We say that lightheartedly, but I do believe in the power of the physical to create something emotional. And it sounds like to me in that moment in the trees you're realizing that Oh, I've been resenting these parts of me, and no matter where I am, I'm, othered, whether I'm in America or whether I'm in Japan.

But somehow in that moment, skiing helped you arrive at this [00:28:00] place

Sierra: totally, yeah, I feel like I've been, like, two halves of people, and then when I get to go skiing, it's like, oh, we're actually a whole, and I, don't need to, lean into either one of my identities, As much, and I can just show up and be who I am,

I don't know if this is like a cliche word, but it like does feel euphoric of like finally making sense after you've been like, I don't want to say it's misunderstood, but like just confused. My whole life of like, I don't really know which place I belong in because either bucket like I'm just Not enough like I'm not filling it up. I feel like it does feel like the weight is Getting lifted off your shoulders and you're just like this is what joy is and this is like how I can Hopefully like transfer this back of like when I come into America of just like that's the feeling we want to hold on to Because, it feels easy, like, which is really nice, and how life hopefully should feel, and , life is [00:29:00] hard, but like, being able to like have a moment of ease within like all the existential questions within identity is cool.

Paddy: It sounds like, like the earth moved. For your personhood,

Sierra: Totally. Totally.

Yeah. A sigh of relief,

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

Paddy: One of the things that I love about skiing is its ability to simultaneously put you smack dab into your boots, make you fully aware of your body and space and movement, while also freeing you from your head.

It like zaps you into this unconscious competence.

Sierra: Yeah.

Paddy: How does that help you in regard to this continued examination of your identity?

Sierra: yeah, when those like voices come in and I'm doubting myself and don't feel like I am good enough as a skier or good enough as a biracial person or any of those things, I know how I feel on my skis and I know the joy and the power that it brings to me I can go drag my hip down this groomer and it's gonna feel [00:30:00] sick and that is the reinforcement that I need whenever Things are spiraling

Paddy: Do you think that you love skiing so much because these other parts of your identity, Japanese, white, American, these were set upon you. They kind of happened to you. And being a skier is your choice. , there's self governance there. You're self selecting. So. There's power in that?

Sierra: yeah because yeah, like I'm choosing to do this and turns out it is like the funnest thing you could like ever do. And , I feel like there have been so many aspects of my life that I have felt very weighed down on and felt this like incredible pressure to figure out or like work through and skiing is just something that I can go click into my skis and go skiing with my friends and just be present and not feel the weight of all these existential questions and things I need to process and understand. Skiing is. Totally my own choice, even though it was not my own choice as a child.[00:31:00]

Paddy: The continued pursuit is.

Sierra: Exactly. Exactly.

Paddy: What does skiing do for you? What does it mean to you?

Sierra: Loaded question. Skiing is an escape but it's also a place where I can really get in touch with myself I spend a lot of time on skin tracks and that is a really wonderful place to like think and process while also going to therapy you can't just go skiing and figure your life out you need to like talk to a professional to help figure that out as well when I'm having a bad day, I'll go skiing, just to forget, and , be mindless, but also, it kind of helps me, like, ground myself a little bit more in whatever I'm going through.

PAUSE PAUSE

MUSIC FADES UP

Paddy: Well, I have a theory that I want to ask you about. my theory is that I think that you have been forced into a Catch 22 for most of your life. Not Japanese enough to be Japanese. Not white enough to be white. And that conflict has felt like a stripping away of your autonomy. Because you're existing within a societal and cultural [00:32:00] framework that you have , zero ownership of.

But with skiing, it's just you. Your skis, the snow, the mountain, and how you artfully move your body within that, and that gives you an immense sense of power. The reason that skiing is so appealing to you is because it generates that power, that sense of ownership, that sense of self worth, and it is the thing that has made you feel comfortable in your skin. When, for most of your life, you have not been comfortable in your own skin. And you bring that power back with you into everyday life. Am I right?

Sierra: Mic drop. That was beautiful. Pop off, Paddy. You kind of nailed it. So I don't know how much expansion I could do, but no, agreed. I feel like my identity has been this like push and pull for my entire life of not really knowing where I fit and people telling me that I don't fully fit. , but skiing has, [00:33:00] I'm like, once I got over the like tantrums and pee my pants situation, skiing is just like what I love to do.

Skiing is just like The love of my life, I'd say, and it makes me feel so confident and as the love of your life should make you a better person and understand you and , build the confidence on and off the ski hill and. It has also given me this, , platform to give other, , biracial or Asian American people, , representation that, I definitely did not have growing up, didn't think I was ever going to be a pro skier because. All of my idols were just, like, the one white woman in a ski film. And so, that is, a really cool, added bonus of, , me floundering and trying to figure out my identity. And, , people are feeling finally seen and represented from me doing all this work to try and figure it out.

And hopefully it helps them too. And, , hopefully it kickstarts, , their own work to, , try and figure out what their identity means to them as [00:34:00] well.

Paddy: It sounds like for you, skiing is the path to self.

Sierra: Wow, I'm like, did Buddha write that?

Paddy: No, just some Chicago Irish dude who loves donuts..

Sierra: Same vibes.

Paddy: Do you have advice for anyone else feeling that Catch 22 identity, or lack of power, lack of self worth, feeling uncomfortable in their own skin?

Sierra: Dive into it. , I know I have traveled to Japan to go figure it out a lot more. Not everybody has the privilege to do that. And so if you can find other people in your community that have similar identities to you, talk to them about it and get deep and nitty gritty about it because it's, there's a lot of things to unpack and it's hard, and if you can find other people in your community, or, , on the internet that you can, , reach out to and talk to, , would highly recommend that, because, you know, the human condition is a very confusing place, and if you feel less alone in it just by talking to someone [00:35:00] that understands you, it's, like, that makes a world of a difference.

MUSIC IN THE CLEAR FOR A BEAT

Paddy: It is now time for the final ramble. One piece of gear you can't live without.

Sierra: ZipFit liners, they really like Change, I know, it's a good plug, but I like, couldn't imagine skiing without Zip Fit Liners liners. Just saying.

Paddy: Best outdoor snack.

Sierra: Okay, I have two. Sour patch watermelons, but I've also been indulging in, like, a meat stick and some cheese.

Paddy: Whoo,

Sierra: Which feels fancy, but it's, like, super easy.

Paddy: Pocket charcuterie

Sierra: I know, I do love charcuterie,

Paddy: what is your hottest outdoor hot take?

Sierra: Okay, I have so many, but I think this, as long as you're, like, comfortable and warm while skiing, people really shouldn't care what other people are wearing.

Paddy: Life and the mountain is a runway.

Sierra: Literally.

Paddy: Sierra, this has been an awesome conversation. Uh, thank you so much. I hope that in our chatting, that you have not. Peed your pants at all. [00:36:00] Yaaay!

Sierra: we're good.

Paddy: That's definitely going to be how we end the episode. Everything is dry. Credits roll. You think I'm joking, I am not

Sierra: I'm fine with that, that's totally fine.

Paddy: OUTRO

Sierra Schlag is a professional skier and filmmaker. You can watch her new film Nisei on YouTube. And you can follow her adventures and continued journey of self discovery on Instagram At underscore Schlag undescore, that's S-C-H-L-A-G

The �����ԹϺ��� Podcast is hosted and produced by me, Paddy O'Connell. But you can call me PaddyO. Storytelling support and furry life-sized resemblance to a Chia Pet provided by Micah Abrams. Music and Sound Design by Robbie Carver. And booking and research by Maren Larsen.

The �����ԹϺ��� Podcast is made possible by our �����ԹϺ��� Plus members. Learn about all the extra rad benefits [00:37:00] and become a member yourself at �����ԹϺ���Online dot com slash pod plus.