¹ú²ú³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ

Chelsea: [00:00:00] I got off the bike and I was only three minutes down to the lead. I was in business because I'm a runner. And the first section of that course, it's 10 K long. It's lined with people the whole way. So you feel like it has this real crowd, sort of big sports moment type

Paddy: like a rocky montage.

Chelsea: I mean, it's, it really is.

It's amazing. . And then on my way back into town, I mean, this still gives me chills, all the amateur women were running out in the opposite direction.

And literally, like hundreds of women were saying to me. Do it for the moms.

Paddy: Oh, dude, I'm gonna start crying.

Chelsea: Um, and, and so like, it really became about more than me, and that's what sports is about, is like, I think, and I think that's why my story has been powerful and it has gone beyond triathlon, is that it's not about me. It's about showing what is possible for female athletes and for women when we're supported as whole people we have opportunities to pursue the things that we care about, it makes us a better mom, makes us a better worker, a better [00:01:00] partner.

And I am just like a living example of someone who's trying to do a hard thing while also like be a decent parent.

Paddy: MUSIC

PADDY VO:

I am more than slightly obsessed with feats of human endurance. There are the funny ones, like the most hot dogs ever eaten in a 10-minute period: 83. Yikes. Or the longest fart ever recorded: 2 minutes and 42 seconds. Double yikes. --That one is funny and gross. -- I can't help but draw comprarisons between an ancient tale like  Homer's Odyssey and a real world epic like the famed Shackleton expedition. Then there are the sporty ones, like the 11 hour Wimbeldon match, the  9 overtimes it took the University of Illinois football team to beat Penn State, the 1996 Chicago Bulls going 72 and 10.

But the superhuman efforts I find most remarkable are the solo ones in which the athlete has spent everything physically [00:02:00] and mentally, and is forced to find a new gear within themselves in order to get to the finish line. A few years back, I crewed for my wife when she ran the Wasatch 100 Mile ultramarathon. She didn't stop moving for 33 hours, even when she fell asleep while hiking uphill--true story. At the time it was the most incredible thing I'd ever witnessed. But then she blew that out of the water with the physical and emotional grit needed for IVF. And then she gave birth to our daughter, and well...I can't talk about that without crying but, let's just say that will never be suprassed. And I think that is why triathlete Chelsea Sodaro's story hits me so damn hard in the heart.

PAUSE PAUSE

After an all amercian  cross country and track career at UC Berkley, Chelsea ran professionally and narrowly missed the 2016 Olympics. She [00:03:00] transitioned from pro running to triathlon a year later; in 2020 she gave birth to her daughter, and in 2022 became an Ironman World Champion. Going from never-ever to a world champ in just five years is remarkable. But swimming, biking, and running for 140 miles in just eight and a half hours, eighteen months after giving birth? Other worldly.

But during that same time, Chelsea was being ravaged by post partum depression and anxiety. Following her daughter's birth, Chelsea had severe panic attacks, including near-constant anxiety around mass shootings. She's been incredibly open about her path toward positive mental health as a way to advocate for female athletes and mothers in general.

In the outdoor community, we have lots athletes who inspire us by the way they handle suffering in sports. We don't have quite so many who inspire us by the way they handle suffering in life though.  [00:04:00] Becuase there's a big ole difference between the suffering you choose and the suffering that materializes internally. What's striking to me about Chelsea's story isn't that she's pushed herself to the edge of what's physically possible. What's truly remarkable about Chelsea is the poise and determination she exhibited when that edge pushed back.

MUSIC

First things first, burnt toast. What's your last humbling and or hilarious moment ¹ú²ú³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ?

Chelsea: So I have a confession,

Paddy: You are never humbled or, or have anything

Chelsea: I'm definitely humbled. I'm hoping that this moment will be very relatable to new triathletes

Paddy: Okay.

Chelsea: during every single swim portion of the triathlons that I do now, like many years into this profession, I either feel like I'm gonna die during the swim, or like I'm gonna need to drop out

around the first five minutes.

Paddy: Is it because it feels so exhausting? It's not like you're out there like [00:05:00] dog paddling, like you're an accomplished swimmer.

Chelsea: I mean, I think Accomplished Swimmer is generous. Like I did summer swim team as a kid. But during the first part of each race, everyone's trying to be in the same place and there's a lot of congestion and you have like people on top of you and bodies all over the place and everyone's trying to.

Get in the perfect position and there's something about that contact in the water that is super scary.

I think there's like a drowning component too, where like

Paddy: Yeah, sure. Breathing is great

Chelsea: breathing is great. Yeah. So like, for instance, I did a 70.3 a few weeks ago in Cambridge, Maryland, and we swim in the Chop Tank River, which is like the Choppiest River

Paddy: yeah, it doesn't sound great.

Chelsea: And the first half of the Swim Man, I was like, in my own personal hell.

Paddy: See everybody. Chelsea's just like you. She hates parts of her job as well. All right. Let's get into it.

MUSIC FOR A BEAT

[00:06:00] Before we dive into anything here, I think it's worth pointing out that all Iron Mans are triathlons, but not all triathlons are Iron Mans. And I know that some triathletes can be a bit prickly about this because they don't want newbies to get scared off by thinking they have to do an Ironman to do a TRI.

Now, two questions here. How do you feel about this? And so that I don't get chased down by a pissed off Peloton of lycra-clad podcast host hunters. How would you like me to refer to your extreme sporting?

Chelsea: First of all, I think people just need to chill out.

Paddy: Okay. I'm, I'm with ya.

Chelsea: You know, triathlon is a really amazing sport and we need to do a better job generally of being inclusive of all sorts of different genders, ethnicities, levels of athleticism and experience. But you are correct in saying that Iron Man is very, very long. It's, a 3.8 kilometer swim into 112 mile bike into a [00:07:00] marathon, whereas it makes me wanna throw up a little bit in my mouth too when I think about it.

Too hard. The trick is not thinking too hard. and then you could do something as short as a sprint or a super sprint where it's like a 300 meter swim into a 10 mile bike into a. 2K run. There's all sorts of different distances. Yeah. It's kinda the wild West.

Paddy: And so, uh, how do you want me to refer to your sporting? Can I call you?

Chelsea: You could call me both things. I think I,

Paddy: An iron person?

Chelsea: I am an Iron Man specialist. You could call me an Iron Man athlete. Yeah, but I don't take a fence either way.

Paddy: , Hey, internet don't come for me. Chelsea said it was okay. So unlike you, I don't really have any desire to do an Ironman. It kind of makes me, sweat and feel nauseous at the same time. But I do have minuscule experience with triathlons. I completed the Long Beach TRI summer, though it was only a sprint, but what I have gathered from that experience, in addition to the fact that I can swallow enough salt water to drown a blue whale and still dry [00:08:00] heave, my way to the finish line is that the specialization of the TRI equipment is kind of bonkers.

Everything from the wetsuits to the racing onesie to the shoes to the bike, especially, I mean, people get super geeked out on this. And so I need to know just how nerded out you get with your equipment.

Chelsea: I would say that I am on the extreme end of the nerd how with my

Paddy: What's the spectrum here? What does that mean? Like, extremely nerded

Chelsea: so there's a few pieces of this puzzle. This is gonna totally go back on what I said about making the sport more accessible because I think that, you know, you can participate in triathlon with any type or many types of equipment. Like you don't need to have the newest, shiniest thing, but at a certain point.

The fancier stuff makes you go faster and it's just more fun to be on. It's kind of like skiing. I was talking to a PT today and she was telling me, you know, she really wasn't enjoying skiing and her husband suggested she get new boots and [00:09:00] skis and all of a sudden she's, I,

Paddy: Blamo,

Chelsea: So I would say similar to triathlon, like having a great wetsuit for instance, makes a big difference I work with a company called ROKA, and they're founded by Stanford swimmers, they have this special technology, they call it arms up technology, where the shoulders have this crazy flexibility and movement, but then you have the proper buoyancy in the backside of your body to put you in the perfect position on top of the water.

So there's a real science into the development of

Paddy: essentially you turn into a porpoise out, out there like you are a dolphin out there.

Chelsea: I mean, I am a beautiful gold, shiny porpoise in ROKA wetsuit.

Paddy: Do you know offhand, like how many ounces does your bike weigh?

Chelsea: Oh my gosh. I don't know how many ounces in my bike weighs. I.

Paddy: Are you that nerded out? Then can we say,

Chelsea: Well, here's the deal, Paddy is, I now have like an aerodynamics specialist. I have a handle of our specialist who flies out from the Netherlands to Boulder to come set up my thing.

Paddy: Yes you are. That nerded out.

Chelsea: That, [00:10:00] I'm right in the process.

He's in the process of creating these like extra special arrow bars for me that are lighter than my current ones

Paddy: Do you go in like the wind tunnel with the smoke

Chelsea: I have spent some time in the wind tunnel.

Paddy: How many pounds of gels, bars and drink mix are currently in the cabinets of your home,

Chelsea: a lot.

Paddy: Is that your primary food sources?

Chelsea: I try to get my calories during my main meals from real Food

Paddy: You're not just eating science all day long. Every single day all year.

Chelsea: Luckily not. No, there is some joy.

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

Paddy: In mountain town culture, if you head out for an adventure that consists of a handful of different pursuits, it's called a multi-sport day. It's kind of a big deal, right? Because it's not your average picnic basket of a day, but for you, a multi-sport day is your sport.

It's not that special. It's just like a regular old Tuesday. So I wanna ask a few questions about this. First. Why should the average runner, cyclist, swimmer, try a triathlon?

Chelsea: [00:11:00] You know, I come from a running background myself. I ran at university and then I ran kind of professionally for several years afterwards and. I have always loved to train. I love to be outside. I love to push my body, I was actually quite nervous when I was a runner, what I would do if I ever had a career ending injury, or if at some point in my life I couldn't run anymore because I, was getting that runner's high every day and I loved the activity so much I thought I would never be able to find something that made me feel the way I did when I ran.

what I found with triathlon is I could push my body in a really similar way, especially on the bike, I could go even farther. I could see more places, I could get higher up into the mountains than I was able to, you know, just on foot.

that exploration aspect has been really fun.

Paddy: Do you think your type A personality helps you? Do you think most people who are very focused on TRI whether professionally or as the most extreme part of their hobby set, do you think type A people are the people who do TRI?

Chelsea: I think it attracts that kind of [00:12:00] personality. I don't think it's a requirement.

Paddy: Is it an advantage?

Chelsea: think it's probably an advantage in some ways because there are so many details. You know, like the checklist that I have going into a race of the things that I need to make sure are perfect is quite lengthy, and so having that attention to detail is helpful.

I love a gold star man. Like I am a type A endurance athlete.

Paddy: Yeah. I'm, I just like, I'm getting that sense.

Chelsea: So when I like say I'm gonna do something right, I wanna show up and do it.

Paddy: Do you have the thing in your brain when, like you say you're gonna do something and then you actually have like a real life excuse not to do that thing? Do you still have that thing in your brain that is like, you're bad, Ooh, you're

Chelsea: Totally. I was,

Paddy: God, what is that? Because I don't think I'm Type A, but I have that.

don't know what type I am. Z is that a type?

Like, I could be focused and determined on stuff and other times I can be like, you know, what is great about today? Couch,

Chelsea: yeah,

PAUSE PAUSE

Paddy: Ironmans are notoriously data and gear driven. Like we have talked your [00:13:00] type A personality helps that both of those buckets. But what are some of the things about competing in Ironman's that transcend the data and the gear?

Chelsea: I'm really good at finding people to help me analyze the data so I can just focus on expressing my fitness and competing and so on race day, it's not about the data.

For me it's about like the pure competition. Mono, a mono, you know, like times and triathlon, they don't matter. It's all about racing the person next to you and that's what I get off on. Like I live for

competing, you know, like I think in my day-to-day life with my friends and family and people I work with, like I'm generally.

Like, I'm a pretty nice person when I get to the start line. Like, I wanna rip your face off.

Paddy: So family game night, when you're playing checkers or something, it's not like you're flipping tables like you're chill, but then it's like, I got a wetsuit on. I'm about to headbutt somebody.

Chelsea: Yeah. I mean, I like really love that pure competition. I think it's so fun and, [00:14:00] you know, finding out what you're made of and finding out what's possible for yourself on that stage. And then the other side of it, you know, the like softer, more touchy feely side is I just like love the people

Paddy: so that's hiarious

You're

Chelsea: the people.

Paddy: rip your face off, but afterwards I'm going to hug you.

Chelsea: No, no. I would say,

Paddy: see you.

Chelsea: I mean, I have a lot of

Paddy: As long as you're behind me. It's so good to see you.

Chelsea: I have a lot of respect for the people that I compete against, but, but it's more like, like the greater community. The stories that some of these people have, like their journeys to the start line or the finish line are remarkable. And I mean like beyond the professional field, like what people have overcome in their life, it's amazing. It's really, really cool. I mean like I cry every time I'm at an Ironman event, like either before or after hearing somebody tell me, how they got there.

Paddy: Are you the type of person who stays to watch for the last person who crosses the finish line?

Chelsea: So there's a great tradition in Ironman as if you win the race, then you come back for [00:15:00] the midnight finish and you have the opportunity to give medals to the people who are like the final finishers. It's really special. It's like the best of the human spirit on display. It's remarkable.

Paddy: Would you rather finish the race or watch someone finish the race? Mm-hmm.

Chelsea: Um, I think like at this phase of life, I would rather finish the race.

Paddy: In first place

Chelsea: in first place would be up. Winning is really fun is the deal. Uh, it's kind of, it's like the most fun thing. So I'm still in that competitive phase. , But I enjoy all of it. Like I find a lot of meaning in the connections I've made in the sport.

PAUSE PAUSE

Paddy: A thing I've long been fascinated about, with endurance athletes is their relationship to the pain cave, the room of, ouch. What is your definition of pain? Cave?

Chelsea: Triathlon is a tricky sport because we get it a few times, it's not like. In a running race, maybe where it comes during the second half or something,

There are [00:16:00] really hard parts during the swim and the bike and the run where you're kind of on your limit and you just have to trust that it will get better.

and, and so for me it's all about like leaning into that hard thing in the moment and not thinking too far ahead. And I have this little mantra that comes from my daughter. It's yes, yes, yes. And it was born, in Kona when, year that I won, she was in this like toddler phase of saying no to everything. one does. And my dad was dancing around with her in the living room saying, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I got stuck in my head for the whole race for eight and a half hours. So like to every pedal stroke every run start, I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I just think it like so beautifully captures what it's all about when you're pushing yourself is you, you have the option of saying yes to pushing a little harder or to keep going, and what a beautiful choice.

Paddy: Does the pain cave loom over you? Is it something that you are trying to put off for as long as possible, or because of your training, because of all your years in this [00:17:00] now, is it something that you're like, bring it on. I'm not afraid of you. I got this.

Chelsea: No, I think there's a healthy fear around it and I, I think most athletes, like even professional Ironman athletes at the highest level would tell you, like, there's always a level of uncertainty at the start of these races. Like if you can complete the distance, you know, at the level that you hope and, expect to the goal is to really set yourself up for the marathon. And so you're not necessarily aspiring to be there during the first five hours of the race. You wanna make good choices to set yourself up so that you're there for the last hour of the race and you can manage it.

On the best days, it's painful, but you're like within yourself and able to like execute exactly how you've prepared. Uh, and those are like the dream days. I have some fear right around things going wrong or if you start hurting earlier than you expect,

Paddy: Do you have a specific memory where maybe you got into the pain cave physically and emotionally quicker than you [00:18:00] expected or planned for, and then you worked your way through it and found kind of a new gear

Chelsea: totally. You know, I, I won the Ironman World Championships in 2022 and it was this big, amazing surprise for me and everyone else. And you know, I think when you achieve at that level, that now becomes the expectation, especially externally and even when, you know, maybe like.

The next time you don't win, you had a great personal performance externally. It's like, a failure I've certainly had athletic adversity in the last couple of years and I've had to reframe for myself what success looks like when things aren't going perfectly.

Last summer, I had a gym accident and I broke my patella. It happened maybe two months before the Iron World Championships, but I didn't really get it diagnosed until four weeks before the world Championships. And my coach said to me at the time, you know, we're gonna need to take a week off now if you wanna give yourself any chance of making it to the start line, much less the finish line.

And four weeks out from an Ironman, this is like [00:19:00] prime. Training you are like in the thick of your build, you are putting in the miles, building up the fatigue. And I basically took a week off I got to the start line with a pretty wild attitude. Like when I go into these things, I am there to compete and to give myself the best possible chance of winning.

And I still have that, but I also had this like crazy gratitude for just getting to be there because it was so uncertain even a couple weeks before. I ended up having like a, a great swim and a solid bike. And I got off the bike in fourth and I went out at kind of a, a great pace for the first half of the run.

And it was maybe like 20 K into the marathon where my body, suddenly realized that I hadn't been running for. Several weeks leading into this thing. so my quads totally shut down

Paddy: Oh.

Chelsea: I had a half marathon at the end of, you know, a nine hour race left to go.

It went from racing to just putting one foot in front of the next for like 13 miles, with people watching me, [00:20:00] right?

Like, you're at a world championship, so like the streets are lined and you're not like suffering privately by yourself, right? Um, and I ended up finishing third, which to be on a podium with that kind of preparation felt like a huge victory. And it was such a good reminder to me that excellence is what we make.

You know, like we get to define our own success.

Paddy: From an, an experience like that what do you glean from it that's applicable to your civilian life? What do you learn from racing and training that makes you better mom, a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter.

Chelsea: I think it's all about like resilience and how we show up for ourselves and the people in our lives. Like how do we behave when things are hard?

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

PADDYO VO:

More from Chelsea Sodaro, after the break.

MIDROLL MIDROLL MIDROLL MIDROLL

Paddy: I think that maybe within all of us, I know within myself, there's this monster that lives within me that does [00:21:00] this really great impression of my voice, that, uh, likes to beat me up on days. And some days it's, you know, the volume dial is at a 0.01 and some days the volume dial cranked to 11. Does it feel like you have more control? Over that positive self-talk because you really had put it to the test out there when you're racing.

Chelsea: I think that it's given me a lot more confidence in myself and my abilities and who I am as a person.

I really like, I really like who I am, and I think I've been able to, I guess, like dig through the depths of my soul in these hard moments, right? Where you're like in your head suffering for really long periods of time and deciding if it's worth it. and I'm at a place still where it does feel worth it, and I get a lot of meaning out of what I do, and I'm able to share that purpose and meaning with a lot of people, which continues to surprise and delight me.

But I think [00:22:00] that I've been like really hung up for a long time that it, it feels so selfish. Like I'm just swimming, biking, and running. and racing and like, what is that really doing for anybody? But I think that like through this pursuit of pushing myself and finding what I'm made of, like I've become a person that I'm proud of and that I think adds value to the world.

And I think having more people whose like souls are really lit up and who feel really alive and joyful in what they're doing is a great thing for society and for our world.

Paddy: Yeah. Yeah. that just made my heart feel I warm cookies. Thank you for that. well, I guess what I'm digging at here is Ironman triathlons are just incredibly long races. You have so much time with just you and your body facing down the course and going as hard as you can.

There's not a lot of distraction from the pain, physical, emotional, whatever it is. Your own mind, what's going through your head when you're out there swimming. 2.4 miles biking, 112 miles running a [00:23:00] marathon for what most consider the length of a workday.

Chelsea: Well on those special days like Kona in 2022, the race went by really quickly for me.

Paddy: This,

Chelsea: Like

Paddy: that doesn't make any

Chelsea: I know I was

Paddy: at all. I've never experienced anything hours long that went quickly. Maybe sleep.

Chelsea: You know, I was so present that whole day and that was a huge lesson for me that, you know, it's like, be where your feet are right? And we can only do what we're doing right now. And I did that. Super well on that day.

I told myself that I was just going for a swim in the ocean with my girlfriends. And I looked over and there was a big rainbow and the water was clear, it was great. And then I got out of the water and I had done better than I expected. So I had this real like positive momentum and excitement. And then I was kind of just like moving up during the bike and I was doing better than I expected.

And I got off the bike and I [00:24:00] was only three minutes down to the lead. And I mean, I was in business because I'm a runner. And the first section of that course, it's 10 K long. It's lined with people the whole way. So you feel like it has this real crowd, sort of big sports moment type

Paddy: like a rocky montage.

Chelsea: I mean, it's, it really is.

It's amazing. Like I knew all these people that were on the sidelines and, um, for the section of the run that's out on the highway, they let people bike along. And so my husband would like grasshopper me the whole for most of the marathon. And I felt like we were just in a training day together.

I would see him every few minutes. I felt like it was just another training day of us out there, you know, cruising together. And then on my way back into town, I mean, this still gives me chills, all the amateur women were running out in the opposite direction.

And literally, like hundreds of women were saying to me. Do it for the moms.

Paddy: Oh, dude, I'm gonna start crying.

Chelsea: Um, [00:25:00] and, and so like, it really became about more than me, and that's what sports is about, is like, I think, and I think that's why my story has been powerful and it has gone beyond triathlon, is that it's not about me. It's about showing what is possible for female athletes and for women when we're supported as whole people we have opportunities to pursue the things that we care about, it makes us a better mom, makes us a better worker, a better partner.

And I am just like a living example of someone who's trying to do a hard thing while also like be a decent parent.

PAUSE PAUSE ADD NOT FOR ROBBIE MUSIC FADE UP HERE PAUSE PAUSE

Paddy: After your daughter was born, outsized fear and anxiety became debilitating. You were terrified of enclosed spaces and mass shootings, and this lasted for a handful of years until it reached ahead.

After you became the 2022 Ironman world champion, you turned to your husband during the award ceremony and asked, how are we gonna get out of here if someone searched shooting [00:26:00] up this award banquet? Did you feel like that was it, like that was the point where it became clear like, I have gotta get some help,

Chelsea: no, it was actually a couple of months later, I went to go see um, PT kind of specialist that I had been working with. And I just started talking to him about some of the things that I was experiencing. And he actually hooked me up to some like biometric sensors and took me through this like breathing exercise thing.

And then I was supposed to like picture the thing that freaked me out and , my heart rate stabilized. And he was like, that's very strange. And he was like, I think you're so used to being in this like hyper anxious, sympathetic, sort of nervous state, um, and you should go see somebody. He did say to me, you know, like, you don't have to live this way. And I think the way he said it. At, in that moment, at that time, really clicked for me and he found me somebody to go see. So like that barrier of you know, like mental health in this country is so messed up.

like mental health and the [00:27:00] resources, it's so horrible. And I had tried to seek out health for myself, you know, like I, I went to an EMDR specialist, um, when my daughter was six weeks old maybe, and I was met with a lot of judgment

Paddy: Ugh.

Chelsea: which was crazy. And then I got on the phone with another, , therapist and the messaging was like, well, why don't you just stop training?

And I was like, well, that's kind of how I

Paddy: Just don't go to work anymore.

Chelsea: Um, and, and so it wasn't until he found me, she was actually a psychiatrist. He like did some research went into his national database of healthcare providers and found somebody who looked like they would be a reliable and she ended up being a rock star.

she worked with some Paralympians she had like some understanding of sport. And so there was never a conversation of like, let's just stop doing this, or like, can we just pause this? And within 15 minutes of me sitting in her office, she had diagnosed me with OCD, which was shocking and also made a lot of sense in many ways, given [00:28:00] my experiences and symptoms that I think while it's scary to have a diagnosis, it's also really helpful to have a name for what is happening inside your body and mind.

And you can make a plan

Paddy: Yeah,

Chelsea: If I'm being totally honest, I was just so desperate at that point

you know, Steve would say, my husband would say to me like, if you have a broken leg, you're gonna get it treated. Your brain is a little broken right now. And so we need to figure out a way to get it treated. And I was so, so lucky that I had such a supportive family who met me with so much acceptance and grace and support.

And that doesn't mean it looked pretty. 'cause it was really ugly. you know, as I tell the story now, we can like tie it up with a really nice little bow and it's like this overcoming, success story. But you know, as you know, like I've listened to some of your podcasts.

I know like you've struggled with various, things as well. Like this is not glamorous. it's ugly and it's not perfect now. But I have great resources and treatment and I think it's really important to [00:29:00] say that like I take an anti-anxiety medication and it's changed my life.

Paddy: yes. . I fought anti-depression, anti-anxiety, , medication or was very wary of it for a long time for myself because I was so freaked out that it was gonna do something to my creativity. Kind of like dull the edge and my creativity is my livelihood and I've recently rounded the corner on that and it has been absolutely life changing.

Talk to me a little bit about the fears going into therapy in general your own path towards overcoming kind of one, the frustrations , of finding a therapist and two, the stigmas or, the fears around therapy and any kind of, , medical intervention as well.

Chelsea: You know, I have worked with sports psychologists off and on for a big chunk of my professional career, and I work with one now, and she is amazing. But when I was in the thick of a mental health crisis, I did not need a sports psychologist. I [00:30:00] just think that that's an important distinction especially for any athletes listening that, like it's more than just a performance problem.

it's a serious mental health crisis. And so I had to, recognize that I had a big problem that couldn't be fixed with exercise or meditation.

Paddy: Well, that's interesting because I know that you've said that. You found that like things like Vedic meditation or your training during this time were helpful, but you've said that you can't always exercise and meditate your way out of mental health crisis. When did you know, though, that all of those things weren't enough? That those tools weren't the needle nose pliers or the, , screwdriver, that it was just a hammer and you needed something more refined?

Chelsea: I was having full blown panic attacks, like in the waiting rooms of doctor's offices when Sky was a week old, and I didn't really get help until she was 18 months old. And, you know, during that period of time, I think I was using exercise as sort of [00:31:00] a bandaid for the problem.

And as long as I could, you know, keep it together in that way and I could avoid situations that made me. So anxious then like I could deal with it and I did in like a pretty successful way.

But I think the combination of coming down from a big victory like the Ironman and World Championships, you know, you've been training for so long and you have this big moment and then you come back to your home and you realize your life is exactly the same and your problems are exactly the same. And when it slapped me in the face was when we got home from Kona. My husband is a firefighter. And he was in the early stages of his career. So he was on, for 48 hours and off for four days. But oftentimes he would, they would make him work another extra 24 hours and we wouldn't know before he went to work at the beginning of that shift.

that's a really hard, um, setup for childcare purposes.

For me to train, I needed somebody to watch her. And we had like, [00:32:00] tried to hire several nannies. Our first nanny that we hired basically like dropped her off of the couch the first time she was over.

So I was already like pretty traumatized around leaving my kid with anybody. And after Kona, we hired a new nanny, couldn't show up on time. And that was like the real trigger for me where I was like. I just did the biggest thing you can do in my sport and I can still can't get reliable childcare.

Paddy: yeah, yeah.

Chelsea: that sent me on a real spiral of like, how am I gonna do this? Like now there are expectations, like I can't, like every time I show up, I have to be perfect and I still don't have my shit together.

Paddy: Hmm.

Chelsea: Which I think is like honestly, the bigger conversation that I hope comes from this story, it's like I had so many things going for me.

my life was so beautiful,

Paddy: yeah, yeah,

Chelsea: but I couldn't find reliable childcare and I couldn't find like postpartum mental health resources.

And like, if I can't find these things,

Paddy: Yeah.

Chelsea: how the hell is anybody else gonna find them?

Paddy: Following your diagnosis with [00:33:00] OCD and subsequently taking SSRIs, do you think that that at all has helped you make sense of how your brain works?

Chelsea: Absolutely. I used to think that I would just think I got stressed out a lot.

what was really happening is I was having like constant obsessive thoughts, constant, like intrusive thoughts for periods of time that I couldn't get on top of.

Paddy: Where it feels like somebody else is driving the bus on the thought and, and then it stays there and you're just kind of pummeled by this thing all day or for a handful of hours.

Chelsea: Yeah. I mean, for me, like it could be days at a time in the past and now I am better able to recognize when that's happening and how I can get on top of it or, you know, in front of it. And also distinguishing like, when is this like a legitimate thing to be concerned about versus like, is this just a spiral?

Paddy: I was diagnosed with OCD as a kid. so I know firsthand that OCD can be incredibly difficult to live with, but some have described it almost [00:34:00] as like this indirect superpower that leads to. This intens ability to focus or structure things or recognize patterns in that way, do you feel like this specific neurodiversity contributed to your success at all?

Does it continue to help you in a way?

Chelsea: absolutely. Like if I just think to 2022 and what I was enduring like mentally and emotionally, and then to be able to perform on the level that I did like that compartmentalization

and ability to like hone in on a task I think is powerful.

I think it's made me a more empathetic person,

similar to you. I was really afraid of losing my gift by getting better,

Paddy: Oh yeah. Which is such a weird thing,

Chelsea: which is so

Paddy: it's like, it's like you're, this is the edge,

Chelsea: yeah.

Paddy: you know? I have this, I have this edge. And if it's, you know, a competitive advantage or if it's this, creativity, like. The way that my mind works, right? It's just like bam, bam, bam, bam. Like, I can put things [00:35:00] together, I could be quick witted.

I am making connections in my head, like in a split second, or problem solving in a split second. I can be so focused on a thing for so many hours, it's like nothing else is happening around me. Now the evil twin side of that is, at two or three o'clock in the morning when my brain won't turn off. Do you find now though, that you are able to turn the dial on the, on the good twin and turn the dial down on the bad twin?

Chelsea: Yeah, I am. I have more awareness and I had more tools and I had this great conversation with. My psychiatrist at the time where I was like, what if I lose the thing that makes me, me and that edge? and she was like, well, is what you're doing working for you now?

Paddy: Yeah. Yeah. Something similar was said to me is, well, how's that working out for you? And I was like, well, now I don't have any way to defend my actions or my, or my thought. [00:36:00] You know, I, I just wanna tell you what my fear is and stay with what I'm doing because even though I have a bit of suffering happening, I know the suffering.

And what I don't know is what's around the corner where you're trying to lead me. I don't know what's gonna happen there. So there is this weird, kind of comfort in the suffering because it's known.

Chelsea: You know, it like can take a couple of weeks for SSRIs to kick in.

But when mine did, I was like, holy shit. The world is a brighter place,

Paddy: Yeah.

Chelsea: uh, like the trees are greener and the skies are blue.

Paddy: I know, I know. It's like, you wanna take the the way back machine to like, you know, when you were a teenager or younger, and be like, listen, you gotta get on this therapy thing quicker than you, like, you don't have to go through all this hardship. . It'll be okay.

Just do the thing. Do the work now. It's like, God, what an idiot I

Chelsea: know. But I like the flip side, right? Is what a better parent you're gonna be because of these [00:37:00] experiences and not that like it's worth it to have had them, but, but I really do think, like we're so much more prepared now to have these conversations with people that we love, especially our children the language that we have to have these conversations around mental health are incredibly powerful.

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Paddy: Do you feel with how open you've been with your own path towards positive mental health, that you've been able to move the needle on what female athletes need from their sponsors in their contracts?

Chelsea: I think that I stand on the shoulders of other women who have taken big risks and who have come before me and have been incredible advocates , for women and sport. Like the great Billie Jean King says,

sport is a microcosm of society and. If we're able to get maternity leave policies and lactation stations at races and childcare at races and maternity leaves for athletes, like what is possible in other lines of work [00:38:00] where your performance isn't dependent on your physical body.

I, I think that I have moved the needle in my sport and the conversations that I'm having with my partners and that my managers are having with my partners, and they can be really tough. we still have to explain Word for word, why this is meaningful and why we should be paid when we're pregnant and how this is all gonna work out for, but for everybody.

If we can support moms and sports, because everybody just wants to see the ROI on their investment right away. And it's a long-term process. I work with like incredibly supportive brands that have all been really receptive for the most part. I do have frequent conversations with other female athletes.

I have a lot of people reaching out to me asking, you know, how should I word this? Or what will happen when I choose to do this? I think that dialogue is really important. I also, do a bit of fundraising for an organization called For [00:39:00] All Mothers, and they give childcare grants to female athletes.

They advocate with race organizations to like implement lactation stations and childcare, and they also help companies develop the correct language for their contracts.

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Paddy: triathlon is an incredibly individualistic sport. At your level you have a ginormous team like we've discussed. You got, you know, special wind coaches and whatnot. Yeah. You've got the wind people, you've got the wetsuit people, you've got everybody trying to make you, the human version of a rocket ship.

But when it's race day, , it's you and you alone out there, and you're able to accomplish so much with your mind and your physical athleticism, your grit, your determination. But life is a team sport. Do you have any perspective on how, if at all, the ability to be so elite on [00:40:00] your own has helped or hindered your path?

Chelsea: I've never really felt that I was in it by myself. I've certainly had moments of like loneliness in life, especially through, a lot of these mental health. Struggles. But you know, I met my husband when I was 18 and I started triathlon, early on in our marriage and it's been our thing. So while I am the one out there competing, I feel so buoyed by the shared project it's felt like ours in our family business . It's like part of our family ethos in a lot of ways, like doing big hard, scary things and going all in. The general attitude and. Way that we pursue this is, big. We like, we live big.

Paddy: Did it feel like you were still a part of a team when you were in the depths of the postpartum depression and the OCD.

Chelsea: Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I think that probably not at certain periods of that. And, and a lot of that came from how [00:41:00] hard my initial postpartum period was. My, expectations versus my reality of birthing a child and then breastfeeding said, child, were not aligned. So I, made Steve take this, mindful, birthing class with me. It was like five or six sessions that were like two to three hours long. And I was gonna breathe the baby out. I was gonna have like, you know, music playing and I was gonna be very zen. I was gonna breathe the baby out and I got induced and that was not fun.

And then my baby couldn't breastfeed. And I like learned very quickly that it wasn't about me and what I wanted and my vision for this whole thing, it was about keeping this tiny human alive. During that period I had this like reckoning of what I wanted and what I thought that this could look like and how beautiful it would be and how I was gonna be this like perfect mom.

And it was not that. And I think in this. time of like social media and putting all of our lives on a highlight reel, especially around pregnancy

Paddy: Yeah.

Chelsea: [00:42:00] birth and motherhood. I mean it like, it's exhausting.

Paddy: Do you think that some of the struggles around, what your expectations are and when your expectations. Train wreck into reality and the struggle between those two things. In part, the reason there was a struggle was because you are so physically and emotionally gritty and you couldn't just power through this thing.

Chelsea: Totally. My perspective on birth has totally changed since I had my daughter. I was gonna have an unmedicated natural birth because that was what was best for me. And that was, that's what was best for my baby and everything was gonna be ruined if it didn't happen.

And I got an epidural 23 hours into labor. And, I looked to Steve and I was like, I'm so sorry.

Paddy: Oh, geez. .

Chelsea: Birth is not about being tough. It is about like, hopefully delivering a healthy baby and a healthy mom. And I really beat myself up over that experience and then I really beat myself up over our, breastfeeding [00:43:00] experience, both of which were totally out of my control.

And that's where I have had a lot of personal growth, I think. while I still do struggle and still wanna control things that I can't control, like we all do, um,

Paddy: Yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea: gosh, being sky's mom and going through those things with her are the greatest lesson of my life. and realizing too that it's not about me, it's about us.

You know, like when you're trying to feed a baby, that is teamwork. So there, were certainly periods of darkness where I felt like very isolated and alone, and she was born in the middle of a pandemic, which is a whole nother, you know, circus that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

But, she and I went to our first training camp together when she was three months old and I've been the best I've ever been since having her. Yeah, we totally did it together.

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Paddy: What's your advice to folks listening who may be trying to overcome fear, anxiety, depression, that monster in their head that does a great impression of their voice,

Chelsea: I would love to wax poetic about my, deep, advice that I have. [00:44:00] But my psychiatrist back in 2022 gave me this amazing tip and she taught me how to name my brain. the idea is that I would give my brain a name and when I had intrusive thoughts, I would talk to my brain.

And it would be kind of like in jest and kind of like poking fun at the situation a little bit. And I named my brain Regina after mean girls like Regina from Mean girls

Paddy: Oh my God.

Chelsea: and

Paddy: Stop trying to make fetch happen. Brain.

Chelsea: yeah, she's a huge bitch. Um, and,

Paddy: is, that is your brain is Regina George. This is amazing. This is the best.

Chelsea: and so what I do still now is something comes up and I'm like, cute, Regina. Good one.

Paddy: listen, the wonderful thing about this job is that I learn so much, and I don't mean to dip my fingers in your Kool-Aid, but I might be calling my brain Regina from now on.

Chelsea: you.

Paddy: is such a good [00:45:00] tip,

Chelsea: it's so ridiculous, but it works really well

the whole idea with these sort of tactics is to separate yourself from your brain and these thoughts and doing it in like a lighthearted, funny, ridiculous way. It just like pulls you back into your body, right? Like you laugh a little bit, you smile 'cause it's so, feels so stupid.

, It has been so powerful for me.

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Paddy: It is now time for the final ramble. One piece of gear you cannot live without.

Chelsea: My cloud surfers from on my on running shoes. They are the most beautiful, comfortable running shoes I have ever worn. And I have worn a lot of running shoes. They're great.

Paddy: no doubt.

Chelsea: I wear them on the T trails, on the treadmill, on the roads. They're versatile. They're cushy. You feel like you're on a cloud, can't go wrong.

Paddy: Best outdoor snack.

Chelsea: Jerky, beef jerky or a meat stick always wins I die for a meat stick.

Paddy: That belongs on a t-shirt. What is [00:46:00] your hottest outdoor hot take?

Chelsea: Women's sports right now is not a moment. It's a movement. And I think if we build it, they will come. And the more we create opportunities for women and moms to be involved and to participate, like the healthier our communities will be, the happier they'll be, the more diverse they'll be. And that's just better for everyone.

Both like from a community health standpoint, but also from an economic standpoint,

Paddy: future's female people

Chelsea: The future is female. That's right.

Paddy: MUSIC

PADDY VO:

Chelsea Sodaro is a professional triathlete and advocate for female athletes. You can follow along on her path of athletic wows on Instagram at Chelsea Sodaro. And, big news here, Chelsea is trying something new this October: she's putting on her first ever event, called Unlocking Yes. She calls it an intimate cycling, eating, wining, and dining experience in the heart of California wine country that'll help raise money for the organization Chelsea mentioned in [00:47:00] our chat, For All Mothers. Learn more about the event at Chelsea Sodaro Dot Com Slash Unlocking Yes.

And, remember cherished listeners, we want to hear from you. Have you been listening to the show and thought, "oooh, that was neat, I wanna hear more of that." Or maybe you've said to yourself, "I really enjoyed that guest. I have an idea for one." Maybe you just want us to know about that weird thing you did sophomore year at homecoming. Whatever your pod thoughts and reacrions are, email 'em to us at ¹ú²ú³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ Podcast At ¹ú²ú³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ Inc Dot Com.

The ¹ú²ú³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ Podcast is hosted and produced by me, Paddy O'Connell. But you can call me PaddyO. The show is also produced by the storytelling wizard, Micah "Dark Helmet Is My Copilot" Abrams. Music and Sound Design by Robbie Carver. And booking and research by Maren Larsen.

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