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Howdy, pals. PaddyO here. Today, we’ve got something a little different for you.

Back in January, my wife and I welcomed our first child. And since then, in addition to figuring out the amount of coffee I need to consume to stave off falling asleep in the middle of a diaper change, I’ve wondered how exactly to be the best dad for my daughter. I know my job isn’t to ensure lifelong calm waters for her but rather to help her build a kick ass boat strong enough to weather whatever life brings. And I think that is mostly accomplished through daily actions. But I also know that stories help, the tales of the thrills and spills of my past that have shaped my character.

I assume by now, dear listener, you know that I’m a bit of a chatter. I come by it honestly though. You see, [00:01:00] if nothing else, my family are storytellers. And my dad’s stories are a bit of a family heirloom. Over the years, they’ve reached Paul Bunyan folkloric-levels. My pop’s tales are endlessly, hilariously entertaining. But a few years ago, I wanted to know what they truly gave me and my siblings, the things they helped us with…more than just giggles. So, I did the obvious: I interviewed my dad and my three siblings and produced a podcast episode.

And it happens to be one of my favorite episodes I’ve ever produced. So, in the run up to my very first Father’s Day as a dad, as I try to walk the path my father cut, I wanted to revisit that episode with all of you here. Because a lot of dads tell tales about the adventures they had when they were younger. And those are entertaining, sure, but more importantly, when [00:02:00] your dad shares an experience from his past, you learn about who he was and who he became. And that gives you a glimpse into where you came from. And I happen to think that those yarns spun by dear ole dad also show you were to head toward.

My dad has great stories. The best like way better than your dad's stories. Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude here, but it's true now. Just keep listening. You'll see, when I was growing up in Chicago with my sister and two brothers, my dad told us tales of his wilder days all the time. They were often hysterically funny and I think occasionally even true, but there was also something strange about his stories because.

They didn't really match with how I saw my dad by the time I was 10, maybe younger. I pigeonholed my Pop Mike O'Connell into a narrow life. You're a lawyer, you've worn a suit and tie every day of your life, and [00:03:00] you've laid out every decision and action strategically enlists on yellow legal pads. You just always seem so solid and steadfast and put together.

Which he was recently, I started talking to my dad and my siblings about this to try to understand what all those funny stories really say about him. And what I discovered is that my dad really and truly did have all those adventures, and that he sought them out because he needed a heap of crazy experiences to help him become the kind of man that he wanted to be and the kind of father he never had.

First things first, can you introduce yourself?

Kitty: My name is Kitty O'Connell and I am your wonderful and loving, uh, younger sister. My

Sean: name's Sean O'Connell. I'm, uh, Pat's brother who's, uh, older and wiser and better looking.

Brendan: Hi, my name's Brendan O'Connell. I. I'm Patty's brother.

Paddy: You sound so sad.

Brendan: What are some of Dad's nicknames?

Well, there's dog,

Kitty: Michael Doza, [00:04:00]

Brendan: Doza boy. I mean, you, I think, call him Doza Boy the most, but I just call him dad. D Doza Boy Daddo. I call him Mic C to my kids. I loved the fact that like small children would refer to him as Mike, OC. I just thought that was really funny is

Sean: is it a nickname if you, if you count, um, Michael.

Paddy: Yeah, that's the classic mom delivery right there. When you think of stories about dad, what stories come to mind?

Kitty: He has a lot of stories about his, his childhood. He had just a. A ruckus of a household.

Brendan: Growing up, he had this whole language that his family created. O

Kitty: O'Connell-ese.

Brendan: Just little weird things that they would talk about, like the FAS bowl, which is some weird word for where you put chicken bones and like scraps of inedible food.

There's the famous bar fight story, throwing a guy through a plate glass window in Fort Callans, Colorado, our

Kitty: father wore a Canadian tuxedo while. Skiing for the first time. Was

Sean: it maybe spring skiing where like he just wasn't used to like the snow and, [00:05:00] and just completely fell and like broke his glasses and was bleeding all over his face.

Do

Paddy: you remember the story about like him going to Aspen and camping in like a tree house or he was in like a VW bus, like when it hit a horse? Have you heard any of the stories about him going to Europe after C after college? He skied in Switzerland. He went to the Olympics in Innsbruck. Somebody thought he was like, mark Spitz.

Brendan: Yes. Those are all classic and I love to like repeat those.

Paddy: Have you ever heard the story about him getting chased down the street in Amsterdam by a knife wielding pimp?

Kitty: Yes. I just remembered that pimp story. Yes. Yes.

Brendan: I do remember that one. I can't remember the exact details of it.

Sean: You know what? I'm more curious, or if I didn't know it, I wanna know why.

Yeah, he was chased down the street in Amsterdam by a knife, wield and pimp.

Paddy: I wanna know why, but I also kinda don't wanna know why, like who is Mike O'Connell?

Mike: Who am I? I am Mike O'Connell, father of four children, husband of Molly Ryan, [00:06:00] and Master of some stories.

Paddy: My dad grew up in Libertyville, Illinois. A northern suburb of Chicago, five miles west of Lake Michigan, and about a 30 minute drive from the Wisconsin border back in the fifties.

When my pop was born, Libertyville was in the middle of the post-war suburbia building. Boom, his family crammed into a 1200 square foot home, eight people in three bedrooms. Suffice, suffices, say. He spent a lot of time outside.

Mike: It was almost like a gang of kids. You know, you'd have a, a, a group of kids in age from seventh or eighth grade to kids who were like in fourth grade or third grade, all getting together and going out into the woods and playing games.

You know, played baseball, played football home, run derby in the backyard. Um, lots of lots of just doing. Things on your own. 'cause there was so much world to explore. Um, I mean, what kid wouldn't want to go tramping through a creek or a swamp or [00:07:00] go ice skating, um, for the entire day. All you had to do, um, was remember or hear the, the call of your parents for dinner.

I mean, you might be a mile and a half away or something from. From home, and, uh, you'd have to be listening for your call. Since the moms couldn't yell for a mile and a half, the call would be a whistle. I mean, actually a, a whistle, like a ref's whistle. So if we hear a whistle, we'd say, no. Now that's your whistle.

That's not our whistle. You know, we don't have to go home

Paddy: on paper. My dad's childhood was pretty idyllic, but there were some hard times too. My dad describes his father, my grandfather, as a complex figure. He was an attorney who worked long hours, but also played games with the neighborhood kids and coached some of his own children's sports teams.

He had a photographic memory and voracious appetite for books and learning, but professional disappointments like being disbarred after his partner was caught, stealing money from clients led to financial struggles for the family. There's a foggy memory [00:08:00] of the heat getting turned off in the winter and one Christmas when there wasn't enough money for presents until my grandfather's brother saved the day as a father.

My grandpa was emotionally vacant, if not completely unavailable, and at times was physically abusive.

Mike: He had these two sides of really, um, being there for the kids and, you know, supporting them, but also in terms of having, Hey, Dallas, let's have a conversation about something that's meaningful. He just wouldn't do it.

It just wouldn't happen.

Paddy: Did he ever say like, I love you, I'm proud of you.

Mike: He said, I'm proud of you. He never said, I love you. He wasn't a hugger. You know, that didn't happen.

Paddy: My grandpa's brooding Irishness is a trait he most likely picked up from his dad, my great-grandfather, an Irish immigrant who became a captain with the Chicago Police Department.

There are a few stories about him that live in family lore, like when he arrested Al Capone alone when no other cop would, and the one where he beat a man with his Billy club after being shot in the back [00:09:00] and the shootouts with the mob, which did not end well for the bad guys. Those stories offer some helpful context for one of my dad's favorite tales about the day my grandpa took him to the airport to fly off to his freshman year at Colorado State University.

My dad had never been to Colorado before or even seen a mountain, but CSU met his strict criteria. It had a campus that was not in the Midwest. Do you remember the Harry Krishna story? Oh my God,

Kitty: yes.

Brendan: Jim O'Connell, my, our dad's dad drops him off at the airport, you know. Well, I'll see a son like getting on the plane to go to Colorado State.

Kitty: With a trunk of like probably four t-shirts and like a pair of jeans and what will become a ski jacket, a KAA denim jacket.

Sean: Dad, just like embarking on this adventure with no preparation but still doing it and making that decision, you

Mike: know, waiting for the plane to, you know, board. I'm with my dad. [00:10:00] And, and, uh, we're just sitting there and I don't think we're saying much at all.

And I figured, you know, hey, maybe he's gonna gimme some words of wisdom, like, study hard, do this, do that. All of a sudden I hear a bunch of like little bells going off and little symbols going off, and a big crowd and. It's like a big commotion

Brendan: and he sees group of Hari Krishna's, shaved heads, robes, and all chanting.

Mike: And there's some guy in the front who is obviously the, the leader and they're throwing flowers at him and bowing down.

Kitty: And grandpa, oh, who is like a lovely but ornery Irish man,

Sean: takes one look at the Harry Krishnas, looks at dad like, looks at the Christians again. Looks back at dad and says Son. Whatever you do,

Mike: don't come back like that guy.

So I didn't come back with a bald head, but I did come back with hair down to my shoulders.

Paddy: But Colorado isn't just where my dad changed his look. It's where he ended up [00:11:00] chasing the kinds of experiences that would set his life on a very different path. Those stories after the break.

Mike: When you think of the kind of vacation getaway you really need this year, the first word that comes to mind is probably escape, and one of the best places to do that is Eureka Springs, Arkansas. In this quirky corner of the state, life moves at a slower pace and unwinding. Is the name of the game. The Outdoor �����ԹϺ���s of the Ozark Mountains are on all sides, hiking roots overlooking the White River.

An epic trail system for mountain bikers, kayaking, standup paddleboarding, fly fishing. It's all here and nowhere else can you get in this kind of play. Then come back to a town with so much character and soul. The entire downtown of Eureka Springs is a stunning Victorian village [00:12:00] that's listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

It's an ideal destination for music lovers. There are nightly shows, annual jazz, blues and bluegrass festivals and opera, and the country's largest folk festival. Eureka Springs is also a haven for creatives. More than 300 of the local residents are working artists. People say the most curious things when they visit Eureka Springs.

Come for yourself and you'll find out why. Learn more@eurekasprings.org. Eureka Springs, Arkansas. Curious indeed.

Paddy: In September of 1971, my dad, AKA D, Doza boy, Doza Dad, Mikey O'C, step, foot and Collar, Colorado, and on the campus of Colorado State. And for the first time felt what he describes as freedom. He met folks from all over the country, was exposed to different attitudes and new ideas, and got [00:13:00] deep into that Colorado lifestyle.

Mike: Everybody just was at that time, you know, it's like grow your hair long 'cause it looks cool that that was the style. Also style of, you know, flannel shirts are in, you know, blue jeans and hiking boots. You know, that was kind of the Colorado look. It was sort of just trying to figure out who you are. And, you know, you kind of settle back down eventually, but freshman year was just a, it was like just somebody threw a bucket full of experience, different experiences on you, and you just kind of were showered with that and, and drenched in that.

Paddy: For Doza boy, that shower was made up of a string of quintessential outdoor adventures that would come to shape him, especially his ability to laugh at himself and find the humor and the hard stuff. Like the first time he went skiing, wearing blue jeans. A Sunday church jacket. Think overcoat with a fur collar, like something a banker wears to a meeting.

Mike: I went with these guys and they were just looking at me like, okay, you're you, you suck, you're horrible. And I was like, [00:14:00] okay. I get the idea. I'm gonna just go down. Um, I, these are a little bit too hard. I'm gonna go down myself and, you know, go back on the easy, slow, you know, easy runs, and I went down the wrong way.

So I start going down and I'm falling all over the place, and then I'm starting to get impatient, and then I'm starting to get pissed. And so I'm going, oh, screw this. This will take me forever to get down. It'll be like. I'll be up on this hill for a week trying to get down these moguls. So basically I'm going down the moguls.

I, I hit one mogul, my, you know, pole knocks into a mogul and bounces up and hits me in the mouth. And of course there's blood all over the place. And this little kid, he must have been, maybe he is eight, and he comes up to me, slashes and snow right into my face as he stops. And he goes, what's the matter with you?

This is easy. Watch me. And he zips down and I'm going, oh my God. I'm gonna kill this kid. So I don't know if they actually had some block then, [00:15:00] but you know, that would've been a good idea. My face got fried. I mean, totally fried. And so, I mean, it was like three or four layers of peeling skin for like weeks.

And so as I'm sitting, you know. After a day or so, I got the big lip hanging out with the stitches and the, and the peay, you know, skin and everything. Some guy comes up to me and says, you know, I was like, Hey, you look like shit. You know? I was like, I was like, how'd you like to look like shout punch you right in the face.

Paddy: And then there are a bunch of stories that all kind of blend into one giant incredible misadventure, which on the surface are absolutely ridiculous and hilarious. But they also show a young man breaking away from the strict confines and boundaries of his childhood by saying yes to every and any type of adventure.

Mike: There was a fellow from Canada and he had a VW bus. We just kind of took off, you know, south in New Mexico, buying my guitar with my student loan money. My suitcase fell off the car someplace in Nebraska. What's for breakfast? [00:16:00] Well, we got granola. It was like granola what? What's granola? Learning to play guitar a little bit.

Learning that I actually had a voice, could sing a little bit, put a little milk on it. You know, it's like cereal. Yeah. But it has, it has nuts. It seems like all it is is nuts. It's like, why would you want to eat gravel working at a restaurant? Singing behind the salad bar, buying a 1963 Buick with 159,000 miles on it with the leopard skin interior.

After we had the granola, we went up a mountain, uh, climbed a little bit, came back down. I think I'll have a little more granola and, and I don't even know if we had a tent. Did battle with the fish. Fish won. Seven to nothing. Took our pole, our bait, and Dave lost a knife. Went to, uh, Georgetown before you knew it, somebody took a swing at my friend Bill, all in a flash, grabbing some guy, putting him in a headlock, turning him and flipping him.

And we both go flying through the glass, uh, of the bar. We pick up some hitchhiker and the guy says, well, I'm camping in the woods in the dark. No flashlights [00:17:00] crawling up the hill trying to find this tree for. That was my first, uh, experience with granola. We saw this horse running on the, the street just free, and so we turned around and went to, to warn some other people.

There was this horse coming up. Well, unfortunately, the VW bus did not see the horse. He smacked the horse. The horse goes down, he goes out to the side, his windshield is cracked up. He's all bleeding, and, and we, we say, Hey, man, are you right? He goes, did you see this fricking horse? There's a horse out here.

Paddy: But not all of my dad's college years were about messing around. During his sophomore year, he found out his mother had cancer. In January of his senior year, his father called and told him it was time to come home to say goodbye. She held on for an excruciatingly long six weeks. We talked about this during another conversation,

Mike: I think as like a 21-year-old.

You know, I was trying to figure out when I was home, like why I wasn't getting more emotional. Uh, and you know, it, it was just [00:18:00] sort of numbing almost. It was al, I mean, it was almost like it, it lasted so long. I mean, death is horrible. I still hate hospitals. I, I could still smell it and, you know, it was just awful.

You almost didn't want to go. I. Visit, which is a horrible thing to say, but, but you know, she was unconscious by the end and you know, I just wanted to be done with it. And so I'm sure she did too. And I wanted to be done with school, so I tried not to think about what had happened, but just concentrate what was in front of my face to get that out of the way.

So I was just trying to, you know, sort through it. And I think part of the sorting through was just ignore it for a little while.

Paddy: His mother's death is not a story my dad tells often or really at all, but what I do know about this point in his life leaves me in awe. My dad took incompletes for the semester.

He missed while he was back home watching his mother slowly die when he returned to Colorado. If he wanted to [00:19:00] graduate on time, he had to complete a double course load during his final term at school.

Mike: I managed to take all the courses and pass and also was working at the restaurant, managed to get it all done so I could graduate on time.

And I, and I knew that she want, would want that and I wanted that

Paddy: do. Doza Boy says he would've loved to have stayed in Colorado after graduation, but he couldn't make enough money there. So we moved back home to Libertyville where he tarred roofs all summer and fall, which he describes as the worst job of his entire life.

But by January, he had saved up enough money for his post-grad big adventure, backpacking Europe on a $15 a day budget. The trip was his pressure release before starting law school.

Mike: Amsterdam, Denmark, Germany, Austria, Rome, Paris, London. I also skied, did not kill myself in Switzerland. [00:20:00] That was awesome, meaning all kinds of different people, uh, and also getting, almost getting choked to death by a, a US Marine.

He wanted to show me how he could put me in a choke hold and, and almost make me go unconscious. And he said, do you want me to, do you want me to do that? I said, no, I don't want you to do that. What are you crazy? And so, of course I turn around and he, you know, puts me in a choke hold. It almost makes me go unconscious.

I get up the floor. It is like in a normal SI situation, I might. Take a swing of this guy, but he, he's surrounded by a bunch of us marines who are drinking beer, and I don't think that would probably be a good idea. I was in Amsterdam. I started wandering around and I see a vacancy and, you know, it's like in a bar.

It, it was almost like a cell above the bar with a iron bed and like a little. Flea bag type of mattress. I'm in the red light district. I was like, Jesus Christ. So I come down to the bar and have a have a drink. Some woman is there and she goes, gimme a kiss, sweetie. And I was like, oh my God, I gotta [00:21:00] get outta here.

I hear this commotion behind me and I turn around and there's this guy with a knife to this woman's throat and immediately packed up and got the hell out of the red light district

Paddy: dozer. Returned home in March with about $2 in his pocket. He had also missed orientation for his first semester at Kent Law School and had less than 24 hours to prepare for his first day of class, but he just figured it out, which is a really great thing because that's where he met my mom.

They were locker partners. Yes. Lawyers in training get lockers just like in high school. They got engaged eight months after meeting and married a year and a half later. And even though my brothers were born in 1980 and 81. My dad lived a joyless life until 1984 when I was born. My sister showed up at some point.

No one really knows. Ha ha ha. Solid burn. I am the best child. Okay. Alright. My siblings were great and as I talked to them about the Doza Boys funny stories, [00:22:00] we all began to see more meaning in what our dad went through. He wasn't just a mid-westerner who ran off to the Rockies to have wacky adventures and grow his hair.

His stories tell us about the choices he made to become the man he is. And the truth is the ones who benefited most from his journey are Kitty and Brendan and Sean and me. And it all started with the Harry Krishna at O'Hare Airport. To me, that story has always been like it's been about grandpa, right?

And it's been about that like one-liner, that great, one-liner. I mean, when you think about it, it's really a story about dad.

Kitty: Dad was a pretty brave guy, and so to me what that story shows is like Doza iss just very resilient. And I think that he. Trusts himself and he trusts himself to be able to get him to where he wants to be.

Sean: When I've heard it before, I haven't like heard about the fear of the anxiety. It was just kinda like, well, this thing's fun. I'm gonna go do that and to, and, and if it doesn't work out, then that's okay and I'll figure something else out, [00:23:00] like kind. It's more of like a self-confidence that I see and, and believing in himself and, and, and honestly something I've tried to emulate along those lines as well,

Brendan: I just think about, you know, how the interaction reflects on his dad and.

What kind of person he was and how that sort of taught dad how not to do things or gave him like a foil, you know, the, this kid going to college, sort of knowing nobody understandably freaked out a little bit and his dad just like busting out a joke and, and giving him no comfort in any way. And dad has done everything he could throughout his life to like, make sure that we never felt like that.

Like I said, the, the, the shiny beacon of light of how to live your life. A lot of the choices that he made and the things that he did, whether that was going to Colorado or whatever, was sort of just to get away and just 'cause he didn't have any choice to, he wasn't, it wasn't really like supported in that.

Decision necessarily to have [00:24:00] adventure, to, to go push himself and get into a non uncomfortable zone. Whereas I think we've always felt, you know, yeah, go for it. Live your dreams. I support you.

Paddy: What parts of dad do you hope live in you, or what parts do you hope you can live up to? Ooh,

Kitty: geez. Loaded question.

Paddy: I mean,

Sean: honestly, all of

Brendan: them.

Sean: Me kind of being able to keep my cool and make rational decisions in the face of situations. That are either scary or require some urgency, especially when it comes to my kids, you know, and, and, and, and my wife.

Brendan: I just never feel anything but unconditional support from dad.

Kitty: Compassion is actually empathy plus action.

And so I say that dad's compassionate is because he's able to meet you where you are, help you feel your pain, but then also help you drive it forward and, and figure out. Together how you [00:25:00] can, how you can make it better.

Sean: He's just a good dude man. Right. I just see dad as this like guy who just seems to always wanna do the right thing.

Kitty: He always seems to know how to do the right thing. It's true.

Brendan: I think he's just a deeply honest and straightforward guy, but also someone who's just, uh, who is at his core, a very good father.

Sean: I dunno. He wants to sing and play the guitar a little bit and eat some chocolate late at night and like that's, that's who he is.

Right.

Paddy: There's this saying about the Irish art of storytelling that I love. Well, we lack in humor. We make up for in repetition. I love my father's stories. I love hearing them over and over again. I. But the story he will never tell, at least not directly, is the one where he channeled the same impulse to run West and knew the energy needed to break a familial chain of anger and emotional vacancy passed from father to child.

That was his way of becoming [00:26:00] the type of father he never had. The type of father you hope you can be.

Mike: I don't think I sat down and said, well, you know, my dad did this, so I'm not gonna do that. I think it was just the emotions, like when I think of, of kids and wanting to be this more of a connected parent, I think subconsciously certainly I wanted that.

I wanted to be that. Because that's what I wanted. I suppose as a kid you wanted to have a little bit more of a connection, the emotions of, of seeing your kid and just like, you know, I mean, you just want to go hug them. You know this, so it's like this is overpowering feeling of wanting to just like engulf them in your arms and, and be there for them.

Always be there for them.

Paddy: Dad.

Mike: Yep.

Paddy: I love you, dad.

Mike: Love you [00:27:00] too.

PADDYO OUTRO:

Mike O’Connell is…my dad. And he is a friggin great dad. He can be found yelling at the TV when the Bears play, working on his tennis and golf game, endlessly searching for the world’s tastiest donut, and enjoying retirement with my Mom, who is sure to be knitting something colorful and comfy. Oh, and if you were wondering…yes, my dad still loves granola.

My siblings, Sean, Brendan, and Kitty O’Connell can be found in the basement eating fish heads like the gremlins they are. Ha, solid burn AGAIN! In your face. (whisper) Kidding, love you.

Anywho, dearest audience members, we want to hear from you. So if you got guest nominations, interesting thoughts, a good knock knock joke, send ‘em electronically in an email to �����ԹϺ��� Podcast At �����ԹϺ��� Inc Dot Com. Afterall, we are making this show for you and [00:28:00] your ear holes.

The �����ԹϺ��� Podcast is hosted and produced by me, Paddy O'Connell. But you can call me PaddyO. The show is also produced by the storytelling wizard Micah "I chomp crackers on phone calls" Abrams. Music and Sound Design by Robbie Carver. And booking and research by Maren Larsen.

The �����ԹϺ��� Podcast is made possible by our �����ԹϺ��� Plus members. Learn about all the extra rad benefits and become a member yourself at �����ԹϺ��� Online Dot Com Slash Pod Plus.

And to all the dads out there, keep telling those stories. And have a very happy Father’s Day.