The five things you should know if you were only going to know five things about this past weekend at the Olympics.
1. In the sense that human evolution is a gradual, linear change, Usain Bolt isn鈥檛 human. You鈥檙e not supposed to look comfortable while you鈥檙e running faster than any (supposed) human being ever has, but Bolt really does. In maybe the greatest 100m field of all time, he gold with an Olympic-record time of 9.63. Bolt鈥檚 countryman鈥攁nd supposed rival鈥擸ohan Blake finished in second with a 9.75. Americans Justin Gatlin (9.79) and Tyson Gay (9.80) finished third and fourth, respectively. For some context, 9.89 was good enough for silver in Beijing, while 9.84 would鈥檝e been good enough for gold in every Olympics before 2008鈥攐r Pre-Bolt.
2. Andy Murray finally his first title at Wimbledon鈥攅xcept he鈥檚 still Grand Slam-less. That is, unless you count the Olympics as a Grand Slam, which it isn鈥檛. Take nothing away from Murray, though. He beat Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer, at Wimbledon, both in straight sets, en route to Olympic gold. No one else in the world has ever done that. But鈥攐bviously, but鈥擮lympic tennis is different: every match other than the final is best-of-three, and it鈥檚 a compressed schedule. While it鈥檚 not the same as winning Wimbledon, it鈥檚 still the biggest thing Andy Murray鈥檚 ever done.
3. On the women鈥檚 side, Serena Williams gold with one of the more dominant runs in tennis history. Williams didn鈥檛 lose a set in London, and she beat Maria Sharapova 6-0, 6-1 in the final, ending the match, which lasted for barely an hour, with an ace. Depending on who you listen to, though, the victory 鈥渕arred鈥 by a dance move called the 鈥淐rip Walk,鈥 which Williams 鈥減erformed鈥 after winning. Two things: 1) If you feel the need to explain what the 鈥淐rip Walk鈥 is to your readers or if you need to put quotes around the term, just stop. And 2) The dance was awesome. Watch , and try not to smile. If you鈥檙e not smiling, the 1940s ended in 1949.
4. This is the last time, I promise. Swimming at the 2012 Olympics is over. And, presumably, so is the Olympic career of Michael Phelps. His final tally: 18 golds, two silvers, and two bronzes. He also has total medals than 154 countries. Phelps is the greatest Olympian ever, which, according to the rules, makes him first in line to become President of the Moon whenever it鈥檚 colonized. On the whole, U.S. swimming destroyed the competition, winning 30 total medals and 16 golds. The biggest disappointment was Australia, which won 10 total medals, one gold, and no individual golds. But don鈥檛 worry, Australian swimmers. When dinosaurs are eating the Sydney Opera House, everyone will forget about the Olympics.
5. Oscar Pistorius failed to qualify for the men鈥檚 400m final, which is tonight, finishing in last place in his semifinal heat. Sure, it would鈥檝e been great to see Pistorius in the final, but that doesn鈥檛 really matter. 鈥淭he whole experience is mind-blowing,鈥 Pistorius , which, uh, yeah. This guy made it to the semifinals of the Olympics WITHOUT LEGS, people. Pistorius will race with the South African 4x400m relay team later this week.