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Vote For Me, I’m Nut’s
Perot just too stable for you? The Federal Election Commission has a couple hundred other options. Our favorite dark-horse candidates.
By Michael Kessler
Harry Browne
Party: Libertarian
63, from Franklin, TN; has no previous political experience but has written a book: “How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World.”
Party Politics In A Nutshell: “Government programs have failed. Government reforms have failed. Government doesn’t work.”
Sound Bite: “Disneyland could do a better job than the BLM.”
First Presidential Initiative: “Abolish the National Parks system and sell all public land to people who really care.”
Favorite Outdoor Activity: “I don’t get outdoors much.”
Gore-(Insert Name Here) In 2000? “I want to reduce government, not join it.”
Billy Joe Clegg
Party: Christians for Clegg
68, from Biloxi, MS; also ran in 1992. Party affiliation then: Loyal USA.
Party Politics In A Nutshell: “Moral decay makes God mad, then he brings down mud slides.”
Sound Bite: “I’m strongly opposed to the spotted owl.”
First Presidential Initiative: “Open up Alaska for drilling. To heck with the caribou: Drill, man, drill!”
Favorite Outdoor Activity: “Hunting.”
Gore-(Insert Name Here) In 2000? “Anyone who cares that much about the environment is sick.”
Jack El-Hai
Party: Americans for a Hyphenated President
37, from Minneapolis, in his first presidential bid. “I’m old enough now, so, hey, why not?”
Party Politics In A Nutshell: “I have many opinions on politics and social concerns, but they are totally irrelevant to my candidacy.”
Sound Bite: “More good air, less hot air.”
First Presidential Initiative: “Hyphenate the Grand-Canyon.”
Favorite Outdoor Activity: “Jai-alai, of course.”
Gore-(Insert Name Here) In 2000? “Being vice-president is…what’s that saying? It’s not worth a pitcher of warm spit.”
Fred Interhills
Party: The Pot Party
55, current location a West Coast secret, author of pro-weed tome, “Yet Another Beautiful Day in Paradise.”
Party Politics In A Nutshell: “Free up the herb.”
Sound Bite: “Alter your behavior to exist as part of nature.”
First Presidential Initiative: Call off the war on drugs: then take a vacation. “The earth is a recreational planet, you know.”
Favorite Outdoor Activity: Golf. “It’s the sport of politicians, man.”
Gore-(Insert Name Here) In 2000? “Do we get to party with Tipper?”
Wyoming Wolf
Party: A Republican in Sheep’s Clothing
Alter ego of Al Hamburg, 64, mayor of Hell, Wyoming.
Party Politics In A Nutshell: “I like wolves.”
Sound Bite: “Save the wolf.”
First Presidential Initiative: “I’d bring a wolf with me to the White House. Except I don’t have one. I do have a bull snake. I guess I’d bring him.”
Favorite Outdoor Activity: “I make wolf sculptures out of junk. Really. I use a bike seat for the head.”
Gore-(Insert Name Here) In 2000? “Nope. I’m a loner.”
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