I鈥檝e been thinking about it, and, just hear me out here, I think the thing that has really kept me from achieving my athletic glory potential is not my gracelessness, nor my aversion toward elevated heart rates, nor the fact that throughout my eight years in competitive tennis I don鈥檛 think I ever even once actually looked at the ball as it made contact with my racquet, but rather my large and stupid imagination.
Get Me Out of Here
鈬 Paddleboarding
鈬 Hiking Bass Lake
鈬 Archery
鈬 Caving
鈬 ice skating) or I have imagined myself dying on the very first try (the first ever kid to pass out and die from a free throw that misses the whole backboard) and have, in those cases, stayed far away from something I would, by necessity, have to be better at than I鈥檇 have thought.
Or else I鈥檝e signed up to do something, having done very little research beforehand, and, while I wait for the day I鈥檓 set to do it, developed a series of increasingly unrealistic and kind of embarrassing mental pictures of what me participating in that activity looks like.
I鈥檒l just say it: today I thought I鈥檇 be flying around in the air over a frozen lake, attached only to a kite.
I don鈥檛 think anyone but me can be blamed for misunderstanding so thoroughly what it was I鈥檇 be doing here, but this, I think, is where it started: I read the description of the 鈥淚ntro to Kiting鈥 course on 鈥斺淥ur goal at the end of this class is to have you moving through the wind鈥濃攁nd I immediately saw myself floating peacefully across a lake by kite, eight or 10 feet off the ground so I wouldn鈥檛 be too scared鈥攁nd then I apparently blacked out before I could comprehend the second half of the sentence: 鈥…not dissimilar to riding on the snow or the water.鈥 Or the sentence after that: 鈥淭his is a land-based lesson focused on kite only.鈥 I read those parts too, but I guess not really. I was already gone, floating away.
It snowballed from there. First I must have mixed in what I knew of parasailing, thinking we鈥檇 be attached by tethers to the ice so we wouldn鈥檛 end up in outerspace or Wisconsin. But later, subconsciously, my mind erased the tethers, and we were floating on our own鈥攆or a few minutes at a time, only, gently gliding back to the ground whenever the wind died down a little. I relayed this made-up version of a sport to my friends, Rylee and Colleen, and I sold them on going snowkiting with me by telling them I was sure (but how?) we wouldn鈥檛 be 鈥済oing too high up.鈥 To their credit they responded, 鈥淗ow will we get off the ground?鈥 But not to their credit: when I said, 鈥淚 think you just sort of run and take off,鈥 they did not question me at all.
WHEN WE MEET MIKE, a gregarious instructor and guide at Lakawa, in a church parking lot next to not a lake, but a snow-covered, wide-open field, and one of the first things out of my mouth is the question (because by then I鈥檇 started worrying about it, and I honestly can鈥檛 believe it took me that long), 鈥淪o, how high are we going to get off the ground?鈥 and he says, 鈥淵ou won鈥檛,鈥 I am confused. 鈥淵ou mean we aren鈥檛 going to … fly, or anything?鈥 I ask him, at the same time realizing how weird it would be to be able to, in a single day, pay someone to let you float off into the sky with all of his equipment, not really knowing how/if you鈥檇 get back down. It had made so much sense before. Sort of.
To clarify: you can, at a certain stage, snowkite yourself off the ground. If you get there with training (which you should probably, definitely, do), it will be a while: months or maybe more, depending on how often you practice. (And when you do, you will be jumping into the air while on skis. Never, I鈥檓 sorry to say, will you just be hovering around, hanging off a kite.) Mike tells us that he, having participated in the sport for years, only got off the ground in the last few. Our introductory course that day would teach us the basics of using the kite itself. The next session after ours (which, at Lakawa, costs $300) gets you on the skis, pulled along by the kite.
It depends on wind and skill level, but this way. (As Wikipedia rather dramatically puts it: 鈥淭he limits of speed for snowkiting are not yet known.鈥)
But first鈥攗nless you want to just buy several hundred dollars鈥 worth of equipment and launch yourself into the sky like a lunatic鈥攜ou have to learn how to manage a kite in a two-to-three-hour intro lesson like ours. It sounds like a lot for an activity most of us got the hang of as little kids, but these kites are four meters long, and that鈥檚 just to start: the kites used by the more advanced students in our group are 14 and 15 meters across. They yank you. To pull them across the sky takes enough effort that my muscles will be sore the next day, and Rylee will have a bruise from clenching the bar so tightly.
MIKE LEADS US ONTO the field and unpacks the equipment. He stands some 20 yards out from our little group, launching our kites into the sky and yelling, 鈥淧ull left! Pull right!鈥 to help us keep them afloat. And that鈥檚 all you do鈥攑ull left when the kite is headed too far left, ditto on the right鈥攂ut it is tough. What the kites want to do, especially, I notice, when Colleen is steering them, is to crash into the ground. I鈥檓 the last person to try it, and as I鈥檝e found is the case with almost everything, it鈥檚 worth it to wait and watch everybody else mess up a whole bunch so that you don鈥檛 have to. When it鈥檚 my turn, I don鈥檛 crash the kite at all.
鈥淪he鈥檚 a natural!鈥 yells Mike, and it鈥檚 the first time I鈥檝e ever been called 鈥渁 natural鈥 at anything having to do with sports. I鈥檓 hardly even trying. Mostly I am just standing here.
Out of the corners of our eyes we watch the advanced students gliding across the field on skis鈥攏ot at 70 miles per hour, but not so slowly either鈥攁nd for the first time I can remember, I am jealous that someone鈥檚 getting to do the scarier version of an activity I鈥檓 doing. Toward the end of the lesson, I do a weird little hop into the air, just three or four inches off the ground, just to see if the kite could take me with it. It didn鈥檛, of course, but for that half-second it was fun to think about.
聽is a writer based in Minneapolis. She has a memoir coming out in early 2014.