When I pencil out the fixed costs it takes to own my three dogs鈥攆ood, vet bills, boarding鈥攊t actually works out pretty cheap. But that鈥檚 only part of the story. Because, as you鈥檇 expect, three intelligent, athletic animals are capable of getting into a lot of expensive trouble.听
Take the rugs in our living room and den. Rugs are vulnerable to chewing, absorb liquids and odors, hang on to hair, and wear away with traffic; and dogs are creatures with sharp teeth and claws, who need to pee and poop at often unpredictable intervals, and who think running, jumping, and knocking things over is a fun thing to do (especially, while dad is trying to work). Right now, there are two new rugs sitting in my house, still rolled up in their plastic sleeves, waiting for me to find the time to vacuum, mop, move furniture, and make a dump run.听
There鈥檚 other things you naturally expect to replace more often when you have dogs. When they sleep in your bed that鈥檚 going to be your sheets. We usually get about a year’s lifespan out of two rotated sets before the mystery midnight sharts and muddy paw prints start to defy the washing machine鈥檚 whitest whites setting, and all the extra drying cycles set to sanitize begin to wear through the threads.听
And then there are the things you don鈥檛 expect. My wife has had to buy two new pairs of prescription glasses in the last couple months after Teddy, our three-year-old Anatolian Shepherd, developed a taste for eyewear. It鈥檚 easy to put a fixed financial cost on that. But how can you do the same for the photo her mom just mailed us from when Virginia was four or five, dressed up as a ballerina pig for Halloween? Good thing I thought to scan it into Google Photos before Teddy got her teeth into that one. Unfortunately, I can鈥檛 say the same for Beary, Virginia’s favorite stuffed polar bear from childhood, who the dogs scaled a ten-foot-high shelf to devour.听
But accidents, boredom, overactive bladders, and curious jaws are only one part of the picture. Because trouble can also cause danger, and that鈥檚 often more challenging鈥攁nd more expensive鈥攖o resolve.听
There was that time Wiley, our oldest mutt, and Bowie, his young apprentice, decided they didn鈥檛 like their new dog sitter shortly after we鈥檇 moved to Montana, and staged a breakout. The emergency flights home from a vacation to Wisconsin weren鈥檛 cheap. Nor was the need to start boarding them in a kennel鈥檚 high-security wing until we found a different sitter.听
A fellow hiker was once so scared by the sight of our dogs as he walked past, that he threatened to sue us, and 鈥渢ake our house.鈥 We laughed that off, but it was harder to do the same when everyone coming down the trail toward us cowered in fear at the sight of the dogs the hiker lied had just bit him. So, add the gas and the time it takes to find and travel to less crowded trails, further away, to the balance sheet we鈥檙e making here.听
Speaking of driving, planning vacations by truck usually works out a little cheaper than flying if you can afford the extra time off. But carrying three big dogs isn鈥檛 as easy as throwing them in the back and hitting the road. There鈥檚 always the question of where you鈥檙e going to spend the night along the way鈥攏ot necessarily more expensive, but finding and booking dog-friendly hotels does take careful planning鈥攚here you鈥檙e going to find places to exercise them, and of course, safety. Cars and trucks aren鈥檛 designed with dogs in mind, so ensuring not only their wellbeing, but that of us humans, is challenging. To prevent our pets from turning into lethal projectiles in a crash, I spent thousands of dollars installing a purpose-built dog storage and retention setup into the back of my wife鈥檚 SUV, and am in the process of creating something even more complicated in place of the backseats in my pickup truck.听
We obviously prefer to plan trips that our dogs can join. Our wedding? We had it at a dog friendly hotel in Mexico, and drove there and back so they could come. Our weekend getaways? Camping trips or visits to a family cabin. Both perfect environments to spend time with the dogs outdoors. But we can鈥檛 take the dogs everywhere. And while the kennel we use is really good, it鈥檚 still hard to think of it as anything other than doggie prison. So, for longer trips, we try to find a way to keep them at home. A house sitter is the obvious solution, but recently de-socialized by pandemic isolation, Teddy started growling at her. With a ten-day trip to Europe on our schedules this summer, what鈥檚 the plan? We offered to fly a friend up from California to enjoy a 鈥渇ree鈥 vacation in Montana. Luckily, he likes dogs enough that staying at our house for over a week actually sounds fun. But it did add the price of a third flight to an already expensive tab with Expedia.听
And then there鈥檚 the simple opportunity cost that comes with having to figure dogs into your every plan. There are things we can鈥檛 say yes to, places we can鈥檛 go, and priorities we can鈥檛 make, simply because they aren鈥檛 compatible with our dog-based lifestyle.听
A big discussion my wife and I are having now is a potential relocation abroad, or maybe just a transition to a more nomadic lifestyle for a few years. That鈥檚 one of those discussions that鈥檚 still hypothetical and far into the future, but nonetheless, any potential destination or route has to first be considered in context of our dogs. Australia? The flight would be hard, but the ten-day dog quarantine seems reasonable. Would we prefer New Zealand? It doesn鈥檛 matter, given that it requires dogs must be isolated for up to 180 days. And Mexico鈥檚 always going to look easiest, just so we can skip the risk of putting our dogs on an airplane altogether.听
But it鈥檚 not that those conversations around future plans must consider the limitation the dogs impose on us; it鈥檚 that they can and do include our furry companions. Is our life going to continue to be full of ruined rugs, destroyed childhood mementos, and complicated travel plans? I can say with absolute certainty that it will. But our life will also be filled with the unconditional love, ceaseless companionship, and constant activity that our dogs鈥攃urrent and future鈥攂ring. I could do with fewer sharts, though.听