There鈥檚 nothing like a fight in which different states and regions square off about who鈥檚 better at producing a popular food. One of the most energetic rivalries involves barbecue, pitting (where pork is the thing) against Texas (land of beef, and in particular). If you鈥檙e loyal to North Carolina or Kansas City, please know that I鈥檓 aware these places make good barbecue, too. No need to call and scream at me.

This sort of competition turns up all over the place. There鈥檚 an old episode of The West Wing in which windbag president Jed Bartlet, a former governor of New Hampshire, is appalled when he sees that Vermont maple syrup is on the menu at an upcoming official . (鈥淣ew Hampshire syrup is what we serve in this White House,鈥� he grumbles.) 国产吃瓜黑料 correspondent Tim Neville, who grew up in the heart of Maryland鈥檚 blue crab country, swears that Marylanders and Virginians argue about which state鈥檚 are better鈥攕omething surprising to outsiders, since they both swim and crawl in the same briny waters. (Doesn鈥檛 matter. Neville鈥檚 dad insists that Maryland crabs are 鈥渇atter.鈥�) Then there鈥檚 the ongoing scrap over the very different burritos made in Southern and Northern California.

鈥淚n the North,鈥� magazine explained years ago, 鈥渁 burrito is a foil-wrapped behemoth: a tortilla the size of a manhole cover bursting with rice, black beans, and an unending list of ingredients.鈥� [I]t鈥檚 unrecognizable to partisans of the austere (and rice-free) parcels of refried beans and cheese found in the South. Allegiances run strong.鈥�

The post Why Colorado and New Mexico Are Fighting a Hot War Over Green Chile appeared first on 国产吃瓜黑料 Online.

Malcolm Gladwell and Peggy Noonan听are concerned that many of you want to keep working at home, now and in the future, whether there鈥檚 a pandemic going on or not. I agree that you should start thinking about a return to the office, but I suggest that, before giving in, you deliver a nonnegotiable dress-code ultimatum to your employer that goes like this: Let the people wear shorts. I鈥檒l come back to this theme in a moment, but first let鈥檚 review the Gladwell-Noonan policy positions.

During a recent on the podcast The Diary of a CEO, Gladwell, author of seven bestselling books, including听The Tipping Point and Blink, got genuinely emotional as he described what we鈥檙e losing culturally when people shun office life, such as听a sense of camaraderie, belonging, and shared purpose. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not in your best interest to work at home,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 know it鈥檚 a hassle to come to the office, but if you鈥檙e just sitting in your pajamas in your bedroom, is that the work life you want to live? Don鈥檛 you want to feel part of something?鈥�

Before that, in a Wall Street Journal op-ed called 鈥�,鈥� Noonan, a prominent pundit who was a speechwriter during the Reagan administration, lamented the 鈥渢ransformation of work鈥� that has led to more people avoiding offices for good, a shift that, she wrote, had been going on for a while and was 鈥渟imply sped up and finalized by the pandemic.鈥� She finds the change depressing, for a combination of nostalgic reasons (she loved office culture as depicted, um, 50 years ago in ) and more serious worries about productivity and the U.S. national spirit.

鈥淭here is something demoralizing about all the empty offices, something post-greatness about them,鈥� she wrote. 鈥淎ll the almost-empty buildings in all the downtowns鈥攊t feels too much like a metaphor for decline.鈥�

As often happens when people with big media platforms weigh in on anything, Gladwell and Noonan got trashed. Gladwell trended on Twitter for most of the day on August 7, with mockers pointing out that he鈥檚 written in the past about his preference for working alone in coffee shops. Noonan got keel-hauled by the online magazine听Wonkette听in a story called 鈥�.鈥�

The pile-on struck me as unfair. Gladwell, in fact, is part of an office culture: during the interview, he talks about employees who work for Pushkin Industries, an audio company he runs with his friend Jacob Weisberg. In addition to an office in Manhattan, Pushkin has an in Hudson, New York; Gladwell works with colleagues there in person. I have no idea where Noonan works, but I鈥檓 sure she knows enough about office life to have sincere thoughts about its decline. And they’re not the only people about this.

That said, I鈥檒l add that their generalizations may not apply to the lives of large numbers of people, including me. For starters, I happen to love offices and never really abandoned ship: I鈥檝e been working in the spacious Santa Fe HQ of 国产吃瓜黑料 since the spring of 2020, when I ignored a stay-at-home order issued by the governor of New Mexico and started sneaking back to the office instead. (Please don鈥檛 tell the governor I did this. She鈥檚 .)

People have returned to work at the 国产吃瓜黑料 building (or not) in waves that ebb and flow in sync with their justifiable nervousness about the latest COVID-19 variant, and there have been times when it was pretty lonely in here. Before the pandemic, there were dozens of people scurrying around inside the two-story Santa Fe hub. During low tide in 2020, there were sometimes only four or five humans on the scene, plus the three turtles who swim in our courtyard fountain.

For me, that was fine. In addition to being able to concentrate fully because few others were around, I could shout in the hallways and check for echoes (there weren鈥檛 any; no flapping fruit bats, either), jog, jump rope, run an indoor mini-farm in my office using hydroponic gardening equipment, and, most precious of all, realize my lifelong dream of working in an office in shorts鈥攚ithout getting on my case.

And I don鈥檛 just mean I鈥檝e worn shorts on Luau Fridays. I mean I鈥檝e tried to wear them seven days a week, 52 weeks per year, including in the dead of winter. (Sometimes when it snows a foot or more, I break down and wear what women on Twitter call 鈥溾€�) This multiyear experiment in wardrobe liberty has been a glorious revelation鈥攇ood for my health, mind, and soul鈥攕o I would say this (in a friendly way) to Gladwell and Noonan: You think we should all go back to the office? OK. As long as we can do it in shorts.

Or . In any event: #FreeTheLegs.

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In the tradition of , the , and all those people wrote about, Lauren Boebert鈥攖he Trump-loving, firebrand from western Colorado鈥攁nd her husband, Jayson, can get a little too rowdy on the home front. According to the Denver Post, the Boebert family allegedly has a track record of in their hometown (Silt, in Garfield County) with reckless driving, property damage, threats, and noise.

Most recently, on August 4, a rattled caller told a 911 dispatcher that one of the Boeberts鈥� sons was upsetting domestic tranquility by 鈥渟peeding up and down their street in a dune buggy.鈥�

鈥淗e鈥檚 going like 50 miles an hour and this is a residential lane, there鈥檚 kids,鈥� the caller said. 鈥淲e tried to stop him and he鈥檇 just freakin鈥� cuss at us and just left.鈥�

According to the Post, by the time a second neighbor called 911, deputies hadn鈥檛 yet arrived, but Jayson had sprung into action and 鈥渂egan to run the second neighbor鈥檚 mailbox over in a truck.鈥�

鈥淭here鈥檚 about to be some shit going down here,鈥� this neighbor told dispatchers. 鈥淚t鈥檚 Lauren Boebert鈥檚 jackass husband, Jayson Boebert.鈥�

Whew! That鈥檚 a lot, and it makes me think that we鈥檇 be better off if people with this much negative energy had a constructive way to channel it. Perhaps through sports.

Fortunately, we do. The epic event described below consists of ten separate and exhausting tests of human performance. Here, for the first time, are the rules and scoring system for a decathlon that captures the spirit of our age.

Abusive Shouting for Distance and Accuracy

Reading from a curated list of insults frequently hurled at neighborhood foes鈥斺€淎ll y鈥檃ll can kiss my ass!鈥�, 鈥淵ou want some of this, motherfucker?!鈥濃€攃ontestants will be judged on whether their lacerating screams, measured at 50-yard intervals, register on a recording device, wake up a sleeping grandma in a rocking chair, or cause a tethered pit bull to start barking. (Points awarded based on decibel levels and insult clarity at each checkpoint.)

ATV Hatchet Throw

Five per contestant; all tosses must be executed at 40 miles per hour or more. Helmets not allowed unless they double as . (Ten points for damaging mailboxes and stop signs; 20 points for knocking out exterior home lighting; 200 points for automotive glass; 1,000 points for police car beacon lights.)

Declutter the Landscape

Using a 16-inch gas-powered chainsaw and an fitted with a diamond grit cutting wheel, your assignment is to make the world a little flatter. (Fruit trees and crabapples, 25 points; mature deciduous trees and conifers, 100 points; wooden utility poles, 200 points; industrial-grade light and power pillars, 500 points. Not recommended for felling: redwoods, wind turbine towers.)

Where No Musher Has Gone Before

Fifty points awarded for each documented instance of driving a snow machine on a substance that isn鈥檛 snow. Past attempts have included lake, river, and ocean water; mud, beach volleyball sand, and wet concrete; the wood-planked floor of a Portland brew pub; a bed of pig-roasting coals at a Hawaiian luau; baseball fan entrance ramp at in Queens, New York; and a department store escalator full of excited bargain shoppers.

Quick-Draw McPaw

How many frisky pets can you 鈥渉ydrate鈥� with your water cannon? (Ten points for cats, 20 points for dogs, 250 points for large, angry dogs that are able to jump fences.)

Fakeout-the-Media Challenge

Wearing only cutoffs, can you and your partner argue passionately enough in your front yard, trailer slab, or motel parking lot to attract coverage by a local TV news team? (250 points.)

Elk Tipping

Cautionary note for beginners in this famously burly event: check to make sure that the standing, sleeping elk you intend to tip over is 1) actually asleep, and 2) not a moose or a bear. (Elk calves, 25 points; cows, 50 points; bulls, 100 points; moose or bear, 500 points plus a $1,000 emergency-room copay.)

Bring It On!

You鈥檙e blind drunk, and though you鈥檙e being a mindful citizen by walking home instead of driving on the sidewalk, you get hassled anyway. A cruiser pulls up, flashes its lights, and a cop rolls down a window to shout: 鈥淲here do you think you鈥檙e going, punk?鈥� After you say 鈥淕o to hell,鈥� your quest is to show how long鈥攗sing a combination of agility, street smarts, strength, and sweaty skin鈥攜ou can avoid being subdued with . (Points based on time and total bruise count.)

Think Like a

Hmmm, smells like somebody in the nabe is making smoked brisket. Negotiating a winding course that features a maze of derelict cars, the slippery roof of an assisted care facility (full of nervous patients with bedside emergency buttons), and a sewage lagoon, your goal is to steal this beefy treasure and bring it home fast. (500 points; 750 if you do it while squinting and clutching a Marlboro in your lips.)

Liquor Store Steeplechase

Our marquee event, conducted as always with generous help from these fine sponsors: the Devil鈥檚 Dew family of beer, wine, and spirits mini-marts; Don鈥檛 Come Back chain-link fencing; and WetButt above-ground pools.

At participating Devil鈥檚 Dew locations, contestants will shoplift all they can hold of the following items: beer (in cases), vodka (1.75-liter handles), cigarettes (cartons), meat sticks (all lengths), and . Winner is chosen using a combination of total weight carried and time required to flee the premises, climb a fence, and swim across a portable pool. (1,000 points. Lifetime entry fee exemption for anyone who beats Jayson Boebert鈥檚 personal best: 187 pounds.)

Thanks to for contributions to this article.

The post Do You Have What It Takes to Win the Lauren and Jayson Boebert Boil Over Decathlon? appeared first on 国产吃瓜黑料 Online.

This spring, New Mexico was hit hard by wildfires, and two of them burned through vast swaths of public and private land to the west and east of Santa Fe, where I live. The Cerro Pelado Fire, which at press time had scorched more than 45,000 acres of backcountry south and west of Los Alamos, started on April 22 and is now mostly contained; its origins remain unknown. The fire known as Calf Canyon鈥摫岜鸢揪背兮€檚 Peak, which has made news all over the world, began as two separate controlled burns鈥攂oth run by the U.S. Forest Service鈥攖hat broke out and turned into historic disasters. By early June, those fires had covered nearly 320,000 acres, in a part of the state that contains a mix of population centers, most of them traditionally Hispanic, and wilderness areas. The latter fire鈥檚 southernmost boundary is just west of the city of , near a mountain called 贬别谤尘颈迟鈥檚 Peak, and extends north in a wide path that鈥檚 home to thousands of people living in or near villages like , Rociada, Upper Rociada, Gascon, and Cleveland. This fire is still not tamed, and as of June 8, it had destroyed 880 residences and other structures. (You can get a sense of the location and scale of these fires .)

Big fires can be hard to make sense of, even from a short distance away, but I learned a lot by following two Facebook pages that I heard about from my friend Dave Cox, a who lives in Glorieta, New Mexico, where he did volunteer work and took pictures of the enormous smoke plumes generated by the Calf Canyon鈥摫岜鸢揪背兮€檚 Peak inferno. Cox told me about two especially useful sites: the and .

While monitoring them, I read a lot of bad news, obviously: stories of those who lost everything to flames, of the difficulties survivors were facing when dealing with agencies like FEMA, and of widespread rage against the federal government that鈥檚 going to play out for years鈥攐ften in courtrooms鈥攁s people seek financial compensation for what they lost.

But there was uplifting information on those pages, too, and by following them, I got a better sense of the immeasurable contributions made by firefighters, volunteers, and concerned citizens from all over the country. Before long, I started coming across amazing tales from a particular part of the fires鈥� overall narrative: pet and wildlife rescue. With help from Facebook, pet owners, and animal-welfare volunteers, I learned about some incredible creatures who came close to the brink.

Spoiler alert! These stories all have happy endings.

The post Meet Porky, Cinder, and Other Furry Survivors of the 2022 New Mexico Superfires appeared first on 国产吃瓜黑料 Online.

It鈥檚 a sunny Saturday afternoon in late August, and 翱耻迟蝉颈诲别鈥�s man in the field, Dave Cox, is driving west on New Mexico State Road 58, loaded for bear.

Actually, he鈥檚 packing a breakfast burrito, a Snickers bar, and Gatorade that he plans to give to Bearsun, an anime-inspired character created by Jessy Larios, a 33-year-old man from Los Angeles. Bearsun鈥檚 goal is to hike from inside a heavy, full-body bear suit, raising thousands of dollars for five different charities as he pads toward the finish line: Times Square. During his walks through Arizona and New Mexico, he became a , and he was especially popular in the vast , which includes territory in both states. An August 16 column in the Navajo Times captured the phenomenon well: 鈥淏earsun鈥檚 effect: Why are Din茅 obsessed with man in bear suit?鈥�

Cox knew almost nothing about this until yesterday, when I called and said something authoritative like 鈥淗elp! Please find this bear for me!鈥� (I was stuck at home and couldn鈥檛 go.) He gamely hit the road the next morning, driving north for 125 miles from his home near Santa Fe to look for a six-foot-tall Endurance Muppet. Any comparison you want to make between his mission and Stanley looking for Livingstone is probably accurate.

As Cox rolls along in an area east of the Rockies known as the , he鈥檚 not certain the hunt will be successful. All he has to go on is a vague social media update Bearsun posted in Cimarron, New Mexico, which said he was heading east toward the town of Springer. Now he’s scouting a 28-mile stretch of rolling grasslands, grazing antelope, and endless undulations, where he sees plenty of white-and-tan pronghorns, but no sign of a man doing cross-country Kabuki in a white-and-tan bear suit.

The quest ends as Cox heads down a draw toward a pretty little waterway called Ponil Creek. He spots a solitary figure in the distance, and 鈥� yes! Bear, ho! As Cox will learn shortly, Bearsun isn鈥檛 always alone, and today he鈥檚 accompanied by an escort: Theresa Galvan鈥攅xecutive staff assistant to the president of Navajo Nation鈥攚ho came out to help make sure Bearsun gets through New Mexico safely. Later, when Cox is walking along with Bearsun, taking photos and asking questions, Theresa will gently cut in to offer the bear a plum. Down the road a bit, the whole entourage will be invited to sit under an impromptu hospitality tent erected by a group of indigenous people who drove in from various spots in New Mexico and Colorado just to say hello.

After Cox parks and exits his truck, he walks up and introduces himself, and any nervousness he felt about meeting our nation鈥檚 most charismatic plush toy quickly evaporates. As you can gather from posts that Bearsun has put on , , and (where he has 131,000 followers and counting), he鈥檚 a friendly person who loves to laugh, say 鈥淟et鈥檚 goooo!,鈥� free-associate (in one video he says he鈥檚 going to walk from Florida to Alaska someday), and engage with hordes of people who want to connect, shoot a photo, or give him food, water, or a gift.

Cox hands Bearsun the burrito, a glorious combo of beans, cheese, and New Mexico red chile he bought at a carryout called . Bearsun is able to maneuver it through a gap between the bottom of his large headpiece鈥攁 round, bulbous thing mounted on top of a motorcycle helmet, with two big, mesh-covered eyeholes鈥攁nd his neck. The burrito goes down in what seems like two seconds. It鈥檚 good that it was meatless, because it turns out that Bearsun is a vegetarian.

Soon Cox asks the obvious question: Why?

鈥淧retty much everything was based on an impulsive decision,鈥� Bearsun says in an upbeat, slightly hoarse voice, adding that the experiences he鈥檚 had have been incredible and life-changing. The Navajos treated him like a returning astronaut. Two nights ago, he was an honored guest at another special place: . The Tiwa people there welcomed him warmly, let him (not just anybody gets to do that), and told him about historic episodes from their past鈥攊ncluding the , which originated there under the command of a legendary figure named .

As Bearsun explained to Cox, the cross-country walk sort of just happened. He developed the suit for fun in 2016, as part of his love for cartoons and art projects. (Bearsun drew the design and sent it off to a company in L.A. that makes costumes on order.) He鈥檚 also a runner, and one year he decided to enter the and do it in the bear suit. He didn鈥檛 quite finish, but the experience gave him the urge to try a second time (he made it) and to envision an entirely different kind of marathon: charitable walking.

Starting in April of this year, Bearsun put paws on the blacktop and legged it from L.A. to San Francisco, raising $17,000 for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Then he walked from L.A. to San Diego to Las Vegas. Then he figured, Why stop? If he can raise thousands of dollars in a few hundred miles, how much could he gather during a full-blown transcontinental trek?

He began the third walk on July 5, setting out from the neighborhood of L.A. and heading east. At the pace he鈥檚 on鈥攈e averages about 25 miles a day鈥攈e hopes to make it to New York by late October or early November.

The suit and the gear that Bearsun uses鈥攁mong other things, he carries a GoPro, a hydration pack and food, a lightweight tent, a lantern, personal hygiene stuff, and two space blankets鈥攚eigh 78 pounds all told, and he鈥檚 marched many miles with this load, in temperatures of more than 100 degrees. He does it day after day after day, a truly incredible endurance feat. Bearsun鈥檚 serpentine route through New Mexico measured approximately 470 miles. He covered that in 19 days.

How does Larios manage to do this? Well, in a sense, Larios isn鈥檛 doing it: Bearsun is. As the amiable bear explained to Cox, he wouldn鈥檛 be able to handle the physical challenge without seriously, deeply getting into the character, which is all about spreading joy, goodwill, and healing. When the suit is on, he鈥檚 somehow stronger than he would be as a plain old human being. Describing conditions near Barstow, California, where Bearsun says it was 120 degrees, he said, 鈥淚 pretty much let my body adapt to the weather. And the only thing I focus on, the only thing running through my mind, is controlling my breathing. I go into this meditative mindset where I鈥檓 just trying to stay relaxed and make sure the oxygen is being provided to my muscles.鈥�

Bearsun can also handle pain. When he stopped in Flagstaff, he visited the , saw a pair of moccasins on display, and said, 鈥淒ude, those look tight!鈥� The next day, locals showed up to give him a pair on the road. He started using them, which became difficult because holes developed in the bottoms. 鈥淚t hurt!鈥� he recalls. 鈥淏ut I mustered up the courage to wear them until I got to Window Rock.鈥�

Those are the Bearsun basics, and Cox and I are guessing that you may have more questions. Below, we attempt to answer a few.

Is Bearsun a character from Japanese anime?

No. Though Bearsun looks a bit like 鈥攖he lazy teddy bear featured in the animated series Rilakkuma and Kaoru鈥攈e鈥檚 an original creation. When Larios drew the design, he was inspired in part by his now-gone Alaskan malamute, Rowpa, who was nicknamed Bear because of his shaggy fur. Larios imbued Bearsun with an appearance that suggests his spirit-driven mission. 鈥淗e imagines the character to be beyond stereotypes and one that uses action over words,鈥� the Arizona Republic noted when Bearsun cruised through the Grand Canyon State. 鈥淸H]ence Bearsun鈥檚 absence of a mouth.鈥�

How much money has he raised?

A lot: $55,212 and counting. Go here for info about the he selected.

Are we sure the money Bearsun is raising for charities is actually getting to those charities?

Yes. Using the GoFundMe link set up on , we made a test-run donation to , an L.A.-based charity that works with intellectually and developmentally disabled people. Here鈥檚 the .

Do you know anything more about Jessy Larios?

Not a ton, partly because Larios prefers to keep the focus on Bearsun. We can tell you that the man inside the suit is five foot seven and weighs around 150 pounds鈥攖hough his weight may be down because of all the sweating he鈥檚 been doing. In interviews and on social media, Bearsun has expressed enthusiasm for Kobe Bryant, computer games, , outdoor sports, the positive life lessons imparted by , and art. In an interview with the Farmington Daily Times, a New Mexico newspaper, Larios said that what he鈥檚 doing is, in a way, a large-scale performance piece. 鈥淚 decided to create his persona in the real world,鈥� he said of Bearsun. 鈥淭his is my paper. … It鈥檚 a giant piece of canvas.鈥�

How did Bearsun train?

Mostly by getting out and doing it鈥攚alking from L.A. to San Francisco, it turns out, is pretty good prep for walking from L.A. to New York. Bearsun also spent a month prior to departure repeatedly walking up hills in L.A.鈥檚 鈥攊nside the suit.

In the photos Cox took, Bearsun appears to be wearing rust-red boots. What brand are they?

Those groovy trail shoes are called the . They were created by , an indigenous designer from Shiprock, New Mexico, for , a Black-owned firm based in Alexandria, Virginia. RockDeep arranged for a pair to be delivered to Bearsun on the road near Angel Fire, New Mexico.

Why are Native Americans so into Bearsun?

We can鈥檛 speak for them, but there definitely appears to be fascination and . In Window Rock, Arizona, capital of Navajo Nation, officials held what looked like an outdoor for Bearsun in early August, emceed by Theresa Galvan. This enthusiasm showed up again and again in Arizona and New Mexico. 鈥淓verywhere he鈥檚 been, people have flocked to the man in the adorable bear suit,鈥� the Santa Fe New Mexican reported after Bearsun did a long walk from Ohkay Owingeh Pueblo to Taos.

Reasons for such reactions are varied. For some, Bearsun is simply fun, a welcome relief from the drudgery of pandemic life. Others draw real inspiration from his quest. 鈥淲hile we face our challenges in our Nation by simply walking with Bearsun, even for a few minutes,鈥� wrote Navajo Times columnist Krista Allen, 鈥�… this reflects something much more: how Bearsun has come to represent a lever for change and a guiding voice on issues we face in Din茅 Bik茅yah.鈥�

She鈥檚 onto something. When Bearsun walked through Espa帽ola, New Mexico鈥攁 town where many people suffer from drug and alcohol addiction鈥攆ans reportedly approached and said that just seeing him gave them strength to fight for their own recovery.

Bearsun always seems cheerful in the videos he posts. Does he ever get down and depressed?

After watching many hours of Instagram videos, we鈥檇 say maybe, but so far we haven鈥檛 detected it. Bearsun gets worn out sometimes, as seen in this shot at a hotel in Clayton, New Mexico. But he always bounces back. We were particularly impressed by footage of Bearsun at the of his journey. Making his way along a depressing, broken-sidewalk street in downtown L.A., he mentions that the bear suit he鈥檚 wearing is a new model and feels too stiff and heavy. (No problem! He only has to walk 3,000 miles in it.) Later he passes a dog turning angry circles behind a chain link fence. The animal clearly wants nothing more than to get through the fence and eat Bearsun. 鈥淭hat dog really wants a hug!鈥� he says, unfazed. 鈥淟ook at him, he鈥檚 all happy!鈥� Then: 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think he wanted to give me a hug. I think he wanted to attack me, but whatever!鈥�

Bearsun really seemed to love New Mexico. Does this mean it is America鈥檚 greatest state?

Well, since you asked: yes. As you can see from the video Bearsun made when he crossed into Oklahoma, the , which only makes sense. The place isn鈥檛 called the Land of Enchantment for nothing.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Donating money is a good start, and if you own a motel or restaurant along Bearsun鈥檚 route, please give him a free room or a meal. Or do what Native people did time after time as Bearsun marched through the Southwest: if he comes near your town, get out on the road and . What better way to keep this fuzzy pilgrim ?

Photography and additional reporting by Dave Cox

The post Six Million Steps in a 70-Pound Bear Suit appeared first on 国产吃瓜黑料 Online.

Jason Motlagh, who鈥檚 been reporting in Afghanistan off and on for the past 15 years, wrote an unforgettable 国产吃瓜黑料 story in 2017 about the wild and dangerous horseback sport called buzkashi. Working in a nation at war required developing a network of dependable journalists, translators, and travel facilitators. And when Afghanistan devolved into a state of chaos during the rapid takeover by the Taliban, we asked Motlagh if he鈥檚 involved in efforts to get people he knows out of harm鈥檚 way. He said he is. How many? 鈥淩ight now it鈥檚 more than 100.鈥�

Motlagh happened to be in Santa Fe, and he came to the 国产吃瓜黑料 offices to discuss the evacuation effort with editorial director Alex Heard. Just as they were sitting down, Motlagh鈥檚 phone rang. On the other end was a man who鈥檚 currently hiding in Kabul and in fear for his life. Motlagh tried to calm him down鈥斺€淩emember that there鈥檚 a plan and we鈥檙e working on it鈥濃€攂ut his words only seemed to be of partial help. The man was terrified and despondent, and he said he鈥檇 just gotten word that two of his colleagues had already been captured and killed by the Taliban. Their crime? Working with Westerners.

OUTSIDE: Don鈥檛 use names, obviously, but walk us through the particulars of somebody who you and others are trying to save.
MOTLAGH: One is a friend I worked with a few months ago in Kandahar on a National Geographic assignment. He鈥檚 an experienced Afghan journalist, one of the beneficiaries of the post-Taliban era who received training and some funding from Western organizations to become a reporter. He鈥檚 from Helmand Province. Several of his closest reporter friends have been assassinated over the past year, part of a systemic campaign to take out people who, under the Taliban regime, would be considered undesirable.

So his being a journalist is, by itself, enough to get him targeted?
Not necessarily. It鈥檚 the fact that he has aggressively reported on Taliban lies and abuses. When the militants were encircling Kandahar, he had to get his family out because he was on a hit list. He knows that for a fact.

And if he鈥檚 caught he鈥檒l be executed?
He鈥檚 been told as much. He has a wife and six children.

What has to happen to rescue people like this? How do you get somebody out?
This man and his family already got out of Kandahar and fled to Kabul. Now they鈥檙e hiding there. We鈥檙e trying to get them on a flight鈥攐ne of these ad hoc flights organized by the U.S. military. The challenge in this case is emblematic of a lot of the cases we鈥檙e managing. He has the documents he needs. His children don鈥檛. That complicates the exit process.

Have you seen any improvement in the logjam we keep hearing about?
It seems like some of the bureaucratic hurdles are now at least starting to melt away. People are getting how urgent this is, and that we have to act as quickly as we can and work together. The folks I鈥檓 working with at National Geographic, and a network of journalists who have worked in Afghanistan, are doing everything they can to get people out.

Once the paperwork is set, what happens?
It鈥檚 a matter of gathering everyone and getting them to the airport, through the chaos outside. That鈥檚 the real challenge now.

Do they have to go through Taliban-controlled checkpoints to get there?
Yes. Which, as you can imagine, is not going to be easy for a lot of evacuees to swallow. They鈥檙e fleeing the Taliban. They have a mortal fear of the Taliban. It鈥檚 a waking nightmare.

Moving back in time a bit, I assume that the deal made by the Trump Administration was like a signal for you, in that you knew it was time to start preparing for this massive transition. Did you assume it was going to be this chaotic, or has that been a surprise?
I think we saw the writing on the wall鈥攖hat the Taliban were gathering force, and that things were falling apart in the provinces. But I don鈥檛 think anyone anticipated that the fall would be this precipitous. You know, until about two weeks ago, the Taliban didn鈥檛 even have a provincial capital. No one saw this happening as quickly as it happened.

What鈥檚 been so damn frustrating is that a lot of us鈥攋ournalists and people who have worked with Afghans, foreign military, NGOs鈥攈ave been trying to coordinate visas for Afghans听 for months and months. And it has felt like a totally futile process, just full of bureaucracy, basically sending messages into a black hole. The U.S. could have made this a lot easier by expediting that process. That鈥檚 one of the reasons we鈥檙e stuck with this massive bottleneck now.

The Trump and Biden Administrations are very different, but did you expect Biden to handle this better than he鈥檚 done? Or are you not really surprised?
Trump made his commitment to withdraw, and after that the question became: Will Biden stick to Trump鈥檚 timeline鈥攚hich had the U.S. military exiting completely by May 1鈥攐r would he bump it back? He ended up delaying it just a few months. Biden made it clear, as he has in the past, that he wanted U.S. troops out, ending the so-called Forever War. And I think that both Trump and Biden were in alignment on this. Politically, it was the place to be: support among the U.S. public for this war was gone. I think it worked in Biden鈥檚 favor to continue the Trump playbook and get troops out. But he definitely owns how it has played out. We never saw any meaningful signs that he was planning for the worst case scenario and streamlining the bureaucracy to issue visas and begin to evacuate the people whose applications have been pending for years. My people are journalists, but there are thousands of people who worked with the U.S. military, bet their lives on support, and were promised an exit card when the time came. It simply hasn鈥檛 happened. And then there鈥檚 this fiasco at the airport. With all other outlets gone, how on earth did anyone in the U.S. government or military think a mass evacuation could be carried out at a facility smack in the center of a city of 4.5 million? A total failure of leadership at the highest levels.

Looking at the people in your group, where would they go if given the choice?
Every person I鈥檝e worked with over 15 years, man or woman, would come to the U.S. right now鈥攁cross the board. I think some see that their prospects and support may be better in some European countries or Canada, but if given the option versus what they鈥檙e facing now? Absolutely, 100 percent, they would leap at the chance to live in the U.S.

What makes them still want to come here?
For all the disappointments and the betrayal that a lot of people are feeling, many Afghans have had strong relationships with Americans. Many have family members who fled previous wars and went to America. So they have roots here. I think many Afghans, based on their impressions of the U.S., still have a high degree of hope about life here, an expectation of security and opportunity. At least compared to the alternative at home. But they鈥檙e devastated to leave the land they love.

There鈥檚 been a predictable amount of racism about the prospect of large numbers of Afghans suddenly coming here. There was a picture of a planeload of refugees on social media, with a caption that went something like: Do you want this landing in your town?
I would. I鈥檝e been fortunate to meet a lot of extraordinary people in Afghanistan over the years, people who take the values that the U.S. stands for very seriously, even bet their lives on them. These are people who have really enriched our understanding about what鈥檚 happened in Afghanistan. I couldn鈥檛 have done my work without them.

Have you lost anybody yet鈥攖hat is, have any of the people you鈥檙e trying to save already been killed?
Not that I know of. Though people we鈥檙e trying to get out of the country have already lost family members and friends.

And have any of your friends and colleagues gotten all the way out?
Yes, this morning we got the first bit of good news. A man named Aziz Tassal, a reporter for the Washington Post who is one of my closest friends and someone I鈥檝e worked with for the last five years, had made it from Kabul to Doha, Qatar. We just got word that he and his family arrived in Washington, D.C., with his wife and four children. We started working on projects for Al Jazeera years ago, and have since teamed up on some documentary films and several stories for Rolling Stone. He鈥檚 been my right hand man and we鈥檝e become very close friends. I鈥檓 so grateful that he鈥檚 out. It gives me hope for others.

As Afghan refugees make their way to the U.S., how can Americans best support them?
There are plenty of organizations, national and local, that are preparing to receive Afghan refugees. We have to remember that a lot of these people have left their homes in the dark of night with maybe nothing more than a backpack. So, good places to start are by volunteering to pick people up at the airport, and help with living arrangements and meals. Donating food, clothing, and other basic essentials will go a long way. And when the time comes, Afghans will need help securing jobs, arranging, child care, and getting the emotional support they need to integrate in their new communities. Among established organizations, two good ones are the and . Boundless has to US Immigration, including information for refugees.

What scares you most about what鈥檚 happening in Afghanistan right now?
I think there鈥檚 a huge disconnect between what you鈥檙e seeing in Kabul day to day鈥攚here the Taliban, who are savvy about听 cultivating the media, are trying to make a good impression鈥攁nd what鈥檚 happening in the provinces. We don鈥檛 know the full extent of what鈥檚 going on because reporters are just unable to get there. But it鈥檚 clear that really bad things are happening in the dark. We know, through word of mouth, through social media, that there have been summary executions of people connected to Westerners. We know that people are disappearing鈥攏ot to be heard from again.

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In October 2017, my mother-in-law was hospitalized for a week. When she was sent home, I started cooking dinner every night for her, my father-in-law, and my wife, a routine I鈥檝e kept up ever since. After more than three and a half years of doing this, I recently ran into a familiar problem: I got bored with the food I was cranking out. I was in a rut and needed inspiration.

I hit a wall partly because these three can be a little picky, which restricts what I can make. My wife, Susan, is a vegetarian who鈥檚 trying to go vegan鈥攁 decision that, if it holds, will remove two staples that I鈥檝e relied on for her, eggs and cheese. My father-in-law, who鈥檚 in his mid-nineties, is a healthy eater鈥攁lmost every day he powers down a lumberjack-size breakfast of granola, yogurt, mango, and strawberries鈥攂ut he has a sensitive stomach and can鈥檛 touch the following: garlic, onion, brussels sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, beans, corn, beets, bell peppers, peas, red chile, apples, pears, pickles, and chocolate. Limiting! These restrictions also rule out many prepared foods, which often contain onion powder or garlic powder (or both). My mother-in-law, also in her mid-nineties, is a native of Louisiana who used to be a first-rate cook and hostess. But she鈥檚 gotten more finicky as she鈥檚 aged, and now mostly subsists on crackers, biscuits, cheese spread, and soup.

In response to such challenges, I decided to shake things up with a move I鈥檝e tried in the past: pick a cuisine I want to learn about and dive in. I鈥檝e done this with southern food, New Orleans鈥搒tyle seafood, southwestern food, Italian food, and baking and grilling in general, and I decided that my choice this time would be鈥�ta-da鈥攙egetarian food.

This does not mean that, up until now, I didn鈥檛 know how to buy and cook vegetables. I started learning to cook right out of college, when I lived in a with other young people who were always semi-broke, so we ate a lot of beans, lentils, rice, potatoes, and noodles. The roundup of dishes I鈥檝e been cooking for my family members was already pretty veg heavy, but when I looked at my recipe collection, I realized it was short on what I would call main events鈥攅ntr茅es that take the place of the animal protein that most of us are accustomed to seeing on our plates.

To get started on the hunt for new recipes, I drew on a DIY instructional method that I developed when I was a teenager and decided to start playing golf. Basically, you line up the exact things you need to get going鈥攍ike clubs, shoes, and a book that offers A-to-Z instruction鈥攁nd then you obsess on learning, ignoring everything else in the world until you achieve some level of proficiency.

As it happens, the decision to step up my vegetarian game dovetailed nicely with the fact that, during the pandemic, my main form of relaxation has been vegetable gardening, so I was already following a natural path. The next step was to assemble a solid collection of resources, ones that combine people and tools that are familiar to me鈥攍ike the work of Santa Fe鈥揵ased vegetarian expert 鈥攁nd some new ones, including the current revolution in home hydroponic gardening. I also spent hours reading the all-about-salad Substack created by my friend Emily Nunn, along with the wonderful recipe collection curated by the good people at , an online publication that鈥檚 owned by the same company that now owns 国产吃瓜黑料.

On the food-production front, the big headline for 2021 is that I now have year-round access to fresh greens, thanks to a hobby that entered my life last summer: hydroponics. One of my 国产吃瓜黑料 buddies, Mary Turner, told me she was being sent an elaborate hydroponics rig made by a Los Angeles鈥揵ased company called Lettuce Grow. Would I be interested in learning how to use it? Yes, I was, and I think it鈥檚 safe to say I became obsessed with the thing.

The device is called the Farmstand, and as you can see on the Lettuce Grow , it looks like a UFO. Once you鈥檝e assembled it, you fill the big bulb-shaped tank at the bottom with 20.5 gallons of water, then you mix in two types of fertilizer sold by the company.

At the bottom of the tank there鈥檚 a small pump, the kind used in garden fountains. Cued by an external timer, the pump periodically sends the fertilizing juice up through a six-foot length of pipe. Once the liquid reaches the top, it hits a diffuser that causes the fluid to splash down, creating an internal shower.

The holes you see in the upper sections hold plant cups that cradle seedlings grown and sold by the company, and its听 offers a ravishing array of selections. In the summer of 2020, I got started late鈥攅arly August鈥攕o there wasn鈥檛 enough time to attempt vegetables like squash, zucchini, or tomatoes (all of which I grow in my backyard during summer months). But I did plant an amazing number of greens, including about a dozen different types of lettuce, kale, rainbow Swiss chard, bok choy, tatsoi, arugula, sorrel, basil, cilantro, parsley, and thyme.

Growth happens fast: the seedlings I started with, which were roughly three inches tall when I installed them, grew into harvestable plants just four weeks later. Everything kept going strong until frost arrived in October. Then I moved the tower indoors and started over with new plants and a set of grow lights. In January, I was taking home enough fresh greens every day for three people.

I鈥檝e also been testing a spiffy system made by a company based in Skokie, Illinois, called . Its design looks like a bookshelf; it fits neatly against a wall, where it quietly does its thing. In this system, the plants are installed atop deep trays that contain fertilized liquid that鈥檚 kept moving by a pump. You can sync the whole thing to your mobile phone, setting a timer that, for example, tells the device when to turn its grow lights off and on.

One nice thing about both systems is the way you harvest. You don鈥檛 have to cut an entire head of lettuce all at once; instead, you can take a few leaves at a time, and the plant will continue to thrive and produce new leaves. So? Well, this means you can put together a big salad鈥攅very day鈥攖hat contains a dozen or more different greens, and you can do this for months. To me it felt like a revolution, and it quickly redefined what I was serving at dinnertime. Salad became a main event rather than an afterthought.

As I knew from my earlier self-instruction sagas with food, the key to getting better at vegetarian cooking is to take it one recipe at a time, keeping careful track of what I鈥檝e made and any variations I tried. I put every recipe I consider a keeper into a big, heavy-duty binder that鈥檚 sectioned off with labels like 鈥淓gg Dishes and Breads鈥� and 鈥淪tuffing, Biscuits, and Sandwiches.鈥� My 鈥淰egetarian鈥� section isn鈥檛 empty, of course, but it is a little thin. That鈥檚 about to change.

One go-to source is an old standby with 1,400 recipes in it, Deborah Madison鈥檚 , first published in 1997. Earlier this year, I read Madison鈥檚 memoir听, a beautifully written account of how she went from being a full-time Zen student in San Francisco to becoming one of the founding talents behind Greens, the groundbreaking vegetarian restaurant in the Marina District. Madison had been cooking meals for years at the San Francisco Zen Center鈥攁 huge job, more like running a dining hall than a restaurant鈥攁nd she had worked at Chez Panisse, Alice Waters鈥檚 famous farm-to-table restaurant in nearby Berkeley. After her first trip to France in the late 1970s, she came home and heard that the Zen Center was planning to open a restaurant called Greens, which it did in the summer of 1979, and that she would be tapped as head chef.

In the early days of this job, Madison grappled with something I mentioned earlier: when you鈥檙e used to eating traditional American dinners鈥攆eaturing a main course that usually involves beef, pork, chicken, or fish鈥攖he absence of this element can stand out. 鈥淚 tried to imagine some tired man dully anticipating a plate with a big hole in the middle where the meat would have been,鈥� she wrote in her memoir. She knew that vegetarian entr茅es had to 鈥減roclaim without wavering, 鈥楬ere I am! I鈥檓 what鈥檚 for dinner! No need to look elsewhere!鈥欌€�

Madison offers a lot of main events in her cookbook. One I make regularly is the timbale, which she describes as 鈥渧egetable and herb-saturated custards paired with sauces.鈥� I make one of hers called zucchini timbales with red pepper sauce, using for New Mexico red chile sauce as a substitute for the sauce she describes, which relies on red bell peppers.

In addition, I frequently consult my favorite recipe Substack, Emily Nunn鈥檚 a hilarious and highly informative roller-coaster ride in which Nunn, a veteran food writer who鈥檚 worked for The New Yorker and the Chicago Tribune, shares her obsessive quest to find the best recipes for any kind of salad you can imagine. Not everything on the site is vegetarian鈥攐ne recent dispatch focused on tuna salads鈥攂ut much of it is. Her style has a way of making you hungry for all of it. I鈥檝e never particularly liked fruit salads, but after reading her recent on the subject, I want to try some. I asked her to send me a salad recipe that seems just right for summer, and she shared that features fennel and mangoes.

Finally, I鈥檒l rely on the invaluable maintained by Vegetarian Times, a trove of roughly 5,700 recipes that dates back to 2007. Brittany Martin, who edits it, says she鈥檚 assigning new recipes all the time, so the offerings will continue to grow. When you look at the history of Vegetarian Times鈥攚hich started in 1974 as a print publication and only transitioned to a web-only magazine in 2017鈥攊t鈥檚 clear that we鈥檙e lucky to have as many of these creations as we do.

Founded in Oak Park, Illinois, by a nurse named Paul Obis, who鈥檚 now deceased, Vegetarian Times grew into a web magazine that, over the decades, changed hands many times, which can be a formula for everything getting lost. That didn鈥檛 happen, fortunately, and what remains on the site is exactly what I need: a searchable database that allows me to enter whatever vegetable I feel like cooking and then get a long list of ideas for using it. During one recent week, I made something new from the Vegetarian Times files four nights in a row, and the experience was really fun.

As I usually do, I introduced variations to the recipes that were based on the dietary restrictions of my family members and on the ingredients I happened to have. With the first dish I made, , that meant omitting onion and garlic and using New Mexico red chile powder instead of ancho chile powder, bar chocolate instead of cocoa, and corn tortillas instead of flour. I suspect that some purists will find this mole sauce too simple鈥攔ecipes for mole usually contain several different types of chiles鈥攂ut for a quick weeknight meal, it worked great. I served it with lettuce from the Farmstand, along with three different store-bought vegetables.

On other nights I tried recipes for , , and . The pizza was the hit of the week. I used a good brand of coarse polenta and spread the crust on an oiled pizza stone before putting it in the oven to cook and firm up. I skipped the red sauce鈥擲usan and my father-in-law generally don鈥檛 like it鈥攌ept the goat cheese, and layered on thin-sliced tomatoes, shredded artichoke hearts, Parmesan cheese, fresh basil, and dried oregano. It was terrific, as was the eggplant dish.

On the fifth night, I made something that I developed myself, stuffed with a mix of butternut squash, toasted pumpkin seeds, Parmesan, shredded cheese, green chile, and cumin. Of the four dishes I made that week, the only one that won鈥檛 go into my binder is the white-bean mix. I liked it a lot, but Susan was more meh about it, and she reminded me that she and I once invented a smooth white-bean spread that鈥檚 at least equal to this. And yes, that recipe is in the binder.

Anyway, the batting average for this initial period of testing was high: .750! I know I鈥檒l discover a lot of other winners as I work through more of the collection. This feels like the start of an endless plant-based feast.

Heard鈥檚 Cannellini Bean and Green Olive Tapenade

• 30 ounces cooked and drained cannellini beans (or two 15-ounce cans)
• 1 cup pitted green olives, coarsely chopped
• 4 tablespoons chopped parsley
• 4 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 teaspoons lemon zest
• 2 teaspoons crushed red pepper flakes
• Juice from 2 lemons
• Salt and pepper
• 2 teaspoons cumin
• 2 teaspoons coriander
• 1 teaspoons curry powder

Put everything into a food processor and pulse until smooth. This spread is great on crackers, celery, and toast.

Vegetarian Times is part of 国产吃瓜黑料 Inc., the same company that owns 国产吃瓜黑料 magazine and 国产吃瓜黑料 Online. If you join the 国产吃瓜黑料+ membership program, you鈥檒l gain unlimited access to all of our stories, along with the journalism and recipes of Vegetarian Times and content from other 国产吃瓜黑料 Inc. publications. Learn more about 国产吃瓜黑料+ .

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Let鈥檚 do a mental exercise about Confederate monuments in public spaces: I鈥檒l describe one that doesn鈥檛 exist, and you tell me whether you鈥檇 find it offensive if it did.

It sits near a major city, on a scenic patch of federally owned land, in what used to be a Confederate state. It was placed in 1914 by the (UDC), a group of elite Southern white women who were highly influential back then听and whose main purpose was to push Lost Cause myths about the origins and legacy of the Civil War. Two favorites were that slavery wasn鈥檛 the war鈥檚 main cause and that human bondage wasn鈥檛 all that bad anyway鈥攊n fact, it was a largely benevolent institution that rarely involved cruelty. Another was that the , a terrorist organization that arose to restore white supremacy during Reconstruction, was good.

The finished product, sculpted by a Confederate veteran and unveiled with the blessing of President Woodrow Wilson鈥攁 Virginia native who wrote a popular history of the United States听that in terms similar to the UDC鈥攆eatures a goddess-like female听symbolizing the South, standing on a huge pedestal decorated with shields representing the Confederate states, along with life-sized figures that show mythological beings mingling with Southern soldiers and civilians. In one spot, an enslaved female is holding the child of a white officer. In another, an enslaved man is dutifully following his master off to war.

Sounds bad. And as you may have guessed, I鈥檝e been playing a trick: the monument exists. Known as the , it stands in Arlington National Cemetery, and it rises over the graves of several hundred Confederate soldiers, some of whom were brought in for reburial during an era when Northern politicians, including , were keen on public demonstrations of North-South reconciliation. Celebrating this idea mainly involved white people鈥擝lack people and their views of the conflict weren鈥檛 part of the process鈥攁nd the mood among Southerners was notably defiant. Speaking at the monument鈥檚 unveiling on June 4, 1914, , commander-in-chief of the United Confederate Veterans, insisted that the South鈥檚 cause was just in every way.

鈥淭he sword said the South was wrong, but the sword is not necessarily guided by conscience and reason,鈥� he said. 鈥淭he power of numbers and the longest guns cannot destroy principle nor obliterate truth. Right lives forever.鈥�

Why is the Confederate Memorial still there in an era when the Black Lives Matter movement has led to widespread statue-toppling? If it were standing in the middle of Richmond, Atlanta, or New Orleans, it might still be up鈥攑ending the outcome of a political or courtroom battle to take it down鈥攂ut it would be so disfigured by graffiti that it would look like a 1970s New York subway car.

The monument is being reviewed by the Army, as reported last summer in The听Washington Post, and it鈥檚 currently inaccessible to close public viewing. Many would like to see it go away, including descendants of the sculptor, Moses Jacob Ezekiel. But you can probably count on it getting strong support from President Trump, who has vigorously defended military installations named after Confederate generals like Braxton Bragg, Henry L. Benning, and John Bell Hood, a view opposed by , chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Trump is also a big fan of Robert E. Lee听and thinks statues of him should be left alone. During a in Minnesota on September 18, he said Lee was a 鈥済reat general,鈥� called statue removal the work of 鈥渢hugs,鈥� and said Lee would have won the Civil War, 鈥渆xcept for Gettysburg.鈥�

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When I was 13, holding a scalpel that I鈥檇 鈥渂orrowed鈥� from my dad鈥檚 old autopsy bag鈥攁 big step in my quest to learn the difficult art of taxidermy鈥攖here was one thing I never would have seen coming.

Wait. What? Be patient. We鈥檒l get to me and my weird hobby in a minute. For now, I鈥檒l just add that my late father was a respected pathologist who had no part in what happened and shouldn鈥檛 be blamed. Nor should my mom, who briefly deluded herself into thinking my interest in taxidermy possibly meant I wanted to be a surgeon.

As I was saying: I wouldn鈥檛 have predicted that The New York Times would someday think taxidermy is cool, but this very thing has happened in the 21st century. Granted, the听Times doesn鈥檛 cover the subject like it鈥檚 a normal beat, but if you cruise its听archives, you鈥檒l see that it comes up surprisingly often, usually in articles that try to convince you there鈥檚 a 鈥渢axidermy craze鈥� underway (fact check: there is never a taxidermy craze underway), or that it鈥檚 an art form popular among hipsters (there鈥檚 truth to this one, since taxidermy is inherently Goth), or that displaying stuffed animals in your Manhattan or Brooklyn apartment is a cool design choice (it is not).

For me, picking the best story in this genre came down to a pair of heavyweights. The first is a , a 鈥渟ocialite, celebrity journalist, and author鈥� who filled a big Midtown apartment with around 200 taxidermy specimens, including a bison head. 鈥淗e was the wooliest bully I had ever seen, so I called him Buffalo Bill,鈥� Speck says, trying way too hard.

But the win goes to a piece published in 2003 under the headline听鈥�.鈥� It stars a hipster couple, Erik Sanko and Jessica Grindstaff, who live together in 鈥渁 small, exuberantly overstuffed apartment in TriBeCa.鈥� (Overstuffed! Get it?) Sanko was a well-known bassist who鈥檇 played for the rock group Skeleton Key and John Lurie鈥檚 jazz band, the Lounge Lizards. Grindstaff was an artist who liked to make dioramas and music boxes using old pieces of taxidermy. 鈥淥n a worktable in the living room, she had attached the flattened body of a mouse to the head of a small bird,鈥� the story tells us. 鈥溾€楾hat鈥檚 wrong on so many levels,鈥� she said. 鈥楤ut it鈥檚 so right.鈥欌€�

No, Jessica, it鈥檚 wrong. On all the levels.

Occasionally, a writer uses a more conventional approach and simply says taxidermy is gross, which prompts a mixed reaction from me. On one hand, I have to agree: it can be kinda gross. But as a former teenage taxidermist, I feel defensive and protective.

That鈥檚 why I was excited by 听the听Times published in 2013, because it provided a useful rundown of what modern taxidermy is really like. A book reviewer had written that taxidermy workshops are creepy places filled with 鈥渄ust, fumes, stench, viscera and decay.鈥� She got clobbered by an avenging correspondent听from Ontario, Canada,听named K. Kilburn, who was married to a professional fish taxidermist. Kilburn, a no-nonsense sort, said her man ran a clean operation.

鈥淔ish taxidermy requires expertise with a great range of paints and finishes,鈥� she wrote. 鈥淐areful removal of all possible traces of flesh from the skin, which is then tanned and treated so there are no future infestations of insects鈥攁nd no decay. There is no dust鈥攄ust is the enemy of good taxidermy. Chemical fumes and any temporary odors are removed by powerful fans.鈥�

This was a rousing defense of the art form that so many people love to hate. It almost made me want to put on rubber gloves and try it again.

Almost.

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In the famous Greek myth about Icarus and his father, Daedalus, Icarus is flying over the sea wearing wings that Daedalus, a master craftsman, made using feathers and wax. Ignoring dad鈥檚 warning, Icarus flies too close to the sun, and we all know what happens next: the wings melt, and he plunges into the water and drowns. This sad story is usually presented as a cautionary tale about hubris, but in Anne Sexton鈥檚 1960 poem, 鈥淭o a Friend Whose Work Has Come to Triumph,鈥� she celebrates Icarus for his adventurous spirit, while chiding Daedalus for being a too careful bore.

Feel the fire at his neck and see how casually
he glances up and is caught, wondrously funneling
into that hot eye. Who cares that he fell back to the sea?
See him acclaiming the sun and come plunging down
while his sensible daddy goes straight into town.

Strange though it may seem, Sexton鈥檚 words perfectly describe a long-running feud between me and my friend Dave about the best way to make ice cream. Dave is a good cook, and he鈥檚 more creative than I am鈥攈e can invent something out of thin air and, defying all logic, it works. If I try that, I usually produce bubbling sludge, so my method goes more like this: I think of a dish I want to attempt (chicken pot pie, say), and then I look at a couple dozen recipes, mixing and matching ingredients until I arrive at a blend that鈥檚 good but also unique to me.

When it comes to ice cream, I鈥檓 more likely to make and modify tried-and-true favorites鈥攎aple-walnut, strawberry, peach鈥攚hile Dave, Icarus-like, tests the boundaries of what is possible. In the past, he鈥檚 made red wine ice cream that was actually quite edible, along with unusual and yummy creations that contained green chile, red chile, and tequila. In the menu below, which was hand-lettered by my wife for an ice cream party Dave and I cohosted a few years ago, you can see the difference in styles. I鈥檓 Don Diego Dairies; he鈥檚 Singletrack Farms.

The ice cream debate between Dave and me will last forever, but we agree on one thing: DIY ice cream is well worth the effort鈥攋ust ask the people who came to our party鈥攁nd it鈥檚 a lot easier and cheaper to do than you鈥檇 think. As I discussed in my recent article on smoking chicken, I鈥檓 all about making good food in ways that are both simple and affordable. Let鈥檚 join hands and take a look at how DIY ice cream goes from dream to reality.

Create Your Base

Ice cream usually features some combination of dairy products, sugar, flavorings like vanilla, almond, and chocolate, and, in the recipe I use, eggs. Dave refuses to use eggs. I asked him to explain why, and he threw down hard in an email reply: 鈥淚 make American ice cream鈥攕ometimes called 鈥攔ather than or frozen custard. And why wouldn鈥檛 I? My forefathers didn鈥檛 fight at Lexington and Yorktown only to succumb to the capricious whims of Lafayette.鈥�

Hmm. Lafayette was on our side during the Revolutionary War, so this rant might make more sense if Dave had name-checked the 听But never mind, because the point is clear enough: my friend鈥檚 Francophobia has driven him to make ice cream that comes out wayyy less rich and velvety and scrumptious than mine. It鈥檚 sad, but at least he gets to sound like Oliver Wendell Douglas giving a patriotic speech on Green Acres.

Recipes vary, but the French-style base I settled on (after a lot of trial and error) goes like this. Once you鈥檝e made it, you can add additional things to produce any number of variations. And in case you鈥檙e wondering: you won鈥檛 taste the eggs.

Ingredients

• 2 eggs
• 1 cup sugar
• 录 teaspoon salt
• 2陆 cups heavy cream
• 2 cups half-and-half
• 1 vanilla bean or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Steps

In a heavy saucepan, combine everything but the vanilla. Heat the mix over a low flame, using an instant-read thermometer and whisking slowly but constantly, until the temperature reaches 160 degrees. (This makes the eggs safe to eat.) Remove from the heat, and add the vanilla. Cool in the fridge overnight.

I use fewer eggs than many recipes I鈥檝e seen鈥攖hey sometimes ask for six to eight!鈥攂ut even so, you may be shocked by all the eggs and dairy and sugar that goes into a standard quart of vanilla. All I can say is: that鈥檚 ice cream, folks. Enjoy it without guilt, but maybe not every day.

Gear Up

The first time I experienced homemade ice cream was at a family reunion in Mississippi in the late 1960s. I was probably 10 or 11, and I was wandering around looking at tables loaded with the greatest of all lunch foods鈥攆ried chicken, ham, ribs, sausage, potato salad, deviled eggs, pimento cheese, and鈥� did I say fried chicken already?鈥攚hen I ran into a friendly man I didn鈥檛 know, because he wasn鈥檛 one of my many, many uncles or adult-size cousins. (My mom grew up in a farm family with 12 kids.) He was sitting in a folding chair and cranking an the kind that looks like a big wooden bucket with a metal handle on top.

If this man had explained how it worked, I wouldn鈥檛 have understood him, but here鈥檚 the gist: The bucket holds a metal canister that contains the dairy mix and a stirring and scraping device called a dasher, which keeps the mix moving and adds air as you crank away. The canister sits in a bath of ice and rock salt. The rock salt lowers the temperature of the ice-and-water bath to 27 degrees, which is the temperature at which cream can start to freeze. Without the salt, you鈥檇 just be pointlessly moving your mixture around at a temperature of 32 degrees until the ice melted and you had to give up and start sobbing.

At the reunion, I was fascinated by this gizmo, and I soon pitched in and did a long session of cranking, which was hard work. I didn鈥檛 mind. It was fun, and I wanted to share in the cheers that I figured would rain down when we were done.

Which is exactly what happened. The ice cream we produced was a bit soupy but delicious. Somebody suggested I put syrupy sliced yellow peaches on mine. I did. That made it even better.

You can still buy the hand-cranked buckets, but they also now come in models, and these days, there鈥檚 also the miracle of compressor ice cream makers that freeze the mixture using refrigerator technology. I鈥檝e shied away from both because the old-fashioned machines are clunky and the sci-fi units are expensive. (This fancy is listed for up to $550!) Instead I use It鈥檚 affordable (usually around $60 or $70), you can store it in a pantry, and it works.

The key component is the bowl that you see under the clear plastic lid. It鈥檚 made of sturdy, double-walled metal, with an inner layer of liquid that is permanently sealed off. What鈥檚 inside isn鈥檛 plain water, but I don鈥檛 know what it is exactly: my owner鈥檚 manual just calls it 鈥渃ooling liquid.鈥�

You keep the bowl in a freezer when you鈥檙e not using it. When it鈥檚 time to make ice cream, you put the bowl on the base鈥檚 round platform, add a plastic dasher and your dairy mix, and flip the switch. In my model, the bowl moves around while the dasher remains stationary. The freezing process takes roughly 20 minutes. The ice cream you get will probably seem a little too soft, but that鈥檚 OK. Just store it in a freezer overnight and it will become thumpingly solid without being icy. You鈥檒l want to let it sit out for five to ten minutes before scooping. And then鈥攜um.

Collect and Invent Recipes

There are some excellent recipe books out there, but the one I鈥檝e been hearing the most buzz about on the ice cream street is David Lebovitz鈥檚 The Perfect Scoop: Ice Creams, Sorbets, Granitas, and Sweet Accompaniments. Lebovitz knows vastly more about this subject than I do, and his contains a bunch of great ideas and wonderful concoctions, including a terrific variation on cookies and cream called

(While we鈥檙e at it, here鈥檚 one of Dave鈥檚 signature creations, margarita madness.)

Some of my personal faves include maple-walnut, lemon, coffee malted, cardamom-vanilla, , and one that I did make up out of thin air, almond paste swirl. Someday we鈥檒l all be able to have normal dinner parties again. When that time arrives, please try this one on your friends, and let me know how it goes.

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