From long flights to backpacking treks, one of the ugly universal truths of travel is a condition known as stanky bottom. Toilet paper is no match for this. In fact, it often exacerbates the problem, causing chafing and other issues. When stanky bottom strikes鈥攁nd strike it will鈥攜ou鈥檙e going to need a little moisture and perhaps the added benefit of a pleasant scent, one reminiscent of a lavender-filled meadow in the south of France.
In short, you need some butt-wipe.
If this sounds like ad copy, it鈥檚 because the free market is lousy with all manner of moist towelettes. So which one is right for you, weary (and stanky) traveler? Let my unscientific field test be your guide.聽
For the world鈥檚 most delicate asses:
These perfume-free, hypoallergenic wonders are meant for babies, but they鈥檙e great for sensitive adult derrieres too. I鈥檝e used them on both camping and business trips and am happy to report that they鈥檙e thicker than most wipes and as gentle as advertised. I realize this makes me sound like a complete shill (and one with a sensitive backside, no less), but I don鈥檛 care鈥攖hese wipes work.
For the weekend warrior:
The luxury sedan of moist towelettes come individually wrapped, are flushable and biodegradable, and contain ingredients such as chamomile, aloe, cucumber extract, and vitamin E. Honestly, I have no idea how cucumber improves the experience, but Freshends smell nice (sort of like that classic dryer-sheet scent) and get the job done. 聽 聽 聽
For the eco-conscious traveler:
These wipes come dry and compressed, so they鈥檙e easy to pack and use. Moisten with water, and they grow like those expandable foam toys from your childhood. Though not as soft as other wipes, they鈥檙e chemical-free and all-natural, which seems like a pretty fair trade-off if you care about those things. 聽聽
For cash-strapped backpackers, climbers, et cetera: plants, moss
We鈥檝e all had to use a leaf before, but not all leaves are created equal, hygienically speaking. The following are nature鈥檚 finest wipes: mullein (a hairy biennial plant found the world over; be sure to go against the fuzz), sphagnum (a moss known in my native state of Wisconsin as 鈥渓umberjack toilet paper鈥), and bigleaf aster (the large, heart-shaped leaves of this herbaceous perennial are naturally suited to combat stanky bottom).聽聽